Marlowe's Massacre

Marlowe's Massacre

10K Reads 66 Votes 1 Part Story
Taysley By The_overthinker22 Updated Nov 25

"God send us all of your sins with high expectations." 

After Marlowe commits suicide with a gun in his hands before drowning to his death. He leaves behind sadness, fear, and problems that were left unsolved and covered with doubt. 

His beloved ones are stumbled to why he did it and why Theodora, one of the night lifeguards didn't save him.

After all, Theodora was the one with him when he did the deed.

Then there is Marlowe's twin brother.

Things go down as Marlin struggles to cope with losing his other half, something he thought he'd never lose. He begins to fall hard out of his content and incisive self into something he can't no longer hide.

But when Theodora meets Marlin, the boy she didn't want to face and the girl who seen his brother drown. 

A rage of emotions break through.

Emotions they thought they lost right after Marlowe's death.

But with suspension rising and friends dropping like flies everyone's fingers point back to the person lurking in the shadows.

The very first person to get Marlowe the exact way he was...

v_silva v_silva 3 days ago
- A comma should be added after "ideal". 
                              
                              - Shown should be corrected to "showed". 
                              
                              - "Through her eyes" could be rephrased to "[within] her eyes".
v_silva v_silva 3 days ago
Does "alarming" indicate that Marlowe perceives her as alarming, or is SHE alarmed? If the latter, I suggest to change "alarming" to "alarmed".
v_silva v_silva 4 days ago
This paragraph provides the impression of Marlowe feeling guilty due to his brother's actions; it's great for character development. 
                              
                              A comma should be added after "effectively".
v_silva v_silva 3 days ago
Mind some tenses:
                              
                              - "... the trigger [was] pulled..."
                              
                              - "... he'[d] done it before..."
v_silva v_silva 3 days ago
There should be some commas here:
                              
                              - One after "Please" 
                              - One after "strictly"
                              
                              The last dialogue tags could also be edited to:
                              
                              - "... not safe[,' she]..." instead of "... not safe.' She...".
v_silva v_silva 4 days ago
A comma should be added after "all". "... try feeling" could be changed to solely "feel".