Fat Vampire

Fat Vampire

726K Reads 14.7K Votes 27 Part Story
Johnny B. Truant By johnnybtruant Completed

When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a two thousand-year-old vampire.

And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.

As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race.

Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

Excuse me? but me and my fridge are in a happy relationship, we do not need 'time off' from one another
Just make sure they aren't used. No one wants bloody tea or coffee... Unless you're a vampire.
Sex toys too? Damn. This dude wants action and he wants it now.
Wow I chocked on my ice 
                              Don't worry
                              I'm ok
                              Hahaha keeps reading
I really really really REALLY wish I could jump into this book and notch slap every one of these fuckers
I havent even read this yet but the paragraph before you read this was so creative already