Fat Vampire

Fat Vampire

751K Reads 16K Votes 27 Part Story
Johnny B. Truant By johnnybtruant Completed

When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a two thousand-year-old vampire.

And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.

As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire -- too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead -- he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have… and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race.

Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

  • dark
  • funny
  • horror
  • occult
  • self-acceptance
  • twisted
  • vampire
you know I thought that about three years ago too now look at me
But how did you pay? That's what they don't teach you in school, that's what I wanna know!
"the new kid who worked overnight and dressed in all black" how'd you describe me so well
Rebutting? Is that a pun or is it just me who notices the joke?
😂😂😂😂 while I was a sperm Lord, I want it back. Lm
honestly is he sure he isn't gay like I respect his life choices and how he wants to identify but... foreshadowing much?