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The Girl in the Window | The 2017 Awards

The Girl in the Window | The 2017 Awards

47.7K Reads 2.8K Votes 15 Part Story
Emilee Harvey By uzuriupendo Completed

Athena Pierce loves to explore old abandoned buildings, so when she gets a chance to check out the abandoned Sarton Asylum she takes it. What she doesn't know is that a little girl name Effie Richmond still lives there with a horrible past and secret.
  Amazing cover by PiratesandWizards

-astraeus- -astraeus- Jan 10
I love it so far but a few places were a bit...drawn out even though it was only a simple action.
                              Still, overall it was a good chapter.
Jacklyn Jacklyn Feb 27
In the previous paragraph she had already opened the door and stepped in. I'd move this paragraph higher.
Jacklyn Jacklyn Feb 27
You don't need to write "she thought" as inner monologue is an internal thought.
Breaking_bad87 Breaking_bad87 Oct 27, 2016
The "how are you" is too common. Used almost everyday. Would be good enough as "Mr. Schneider?"
Jacklyn Jacklyn Feb 27
That would be a clue for me NOT to want to go. I hate anything haunted and believe in spirits
Queen_Sartorius13 Queen_Sartorius13 Oct 07, 2016
Damn. I would be so scared if i was Athena i would not have gone.  This is a very good book it has already given me chills.  Keep on writing!! 😁😁😁😁😁😨😨😱😱😰😭😪😓🤒👹👹