The Truth in The Sword: The Hiisi Chronicles Book 1

The Truth in The Sword: The Hiisi Chronicles Book 1

368 Reads 38 Votes 6 Part Story
Greg Laurich By gllaurich Updated Oct 02, 2016

Artemis Moonknight has a problem. She has a year to return her dead mestari's sword to another mestari or his soul will be doomed forever. Normally that's not a big deal, except that she's a Halfling, and only elves are allowed to become blade dancers these days. To make matters worse, Artemis has found only one elf that was worth a damn, and now he's dead. If she's discovered, she's dead. If she fails, her mestari's soul is doomed. And as if things weren't complicated enough already, the hiisi, half demon half something else have been found far away from their normal hunting grounds. Is it just a coincidence or something more?

  • elves
  • halflings
  • herioc
  • magic
  • redemption
JMRiddles JMRiddles May 01, 2017
Be careful of how you introduce character names, try not to do it with inorganic dialog. They kind of talk like they're just learning each other's names for the first time.
calltrix calltrix Apr 07
me everytime I forgot to eat and the stomach   complained lol
JMRiddles JMRiddles May 01, 2017
Here's a good opportunity to trim some of the dialog above. You could have it where she overhears the elves talking and is shocked or disgusted by what they say, but then wait until she talks to Saana to reveal what she heard. Her dialog with Saana flows well and feels natural.
JMRiddles JMRiddles May 01, 2017
I am excited to see her fight. The moving through shadows part is a really cool idea.
JMRiddles JMRiddles May 01, 2017
I think you forgot a " at the beginning of that line of dialog.
ShutinLife ShutinLife Apr 04, 2017
lots of throbbing happening over here... it's kinda "throblesome".... I'm so bad at puns.