An Amazon Breakthrough Novel Quarterfinalist, Death by Haggis is a tongue in cheek detective novel inspired by the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for the "opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels."
Until the day Jane Hamchester walked into his squalid office, the highlight of Detective Sam Barlow's life had been a particularly good tuna sandwich. Now he is charged with trying to save the life of the only woman he ever, uhm, thought was really swell. His only problem is that there are no clues, other than the nonsensical utterances of a dying man.
Barlow's desperate search takes him first to Scotland and then to the Aegean. But time is running out. Not only for Jane but for the human race. Barlow's only possible hope lies at the bottom of an ancient cavern, a remnant from the time when a different kind of human populated the Earth, a kind of human that could have saved mankind. Alas, they are long extinct. Or are they?
Death By Haggis: What people are saying ...
"What are you staring at?"
"Jay Cutts does for fiction what Dave Barry does for gourmet cooking."
St. Louis Blues Dispatch
"What more compelling metaphor for life itself could there be than a mysterious white leviathan and the mindless drive of a nearly ruined sea captain to track it down and destroy it? Oh, wait. You mean this book?"
"This is one of those books that you know immediately could be an instant classic if millions of people all bought it and liked it and it got a lot of publicity and then they made a movie out of it."
George W. Bush
"The humor of Edgar Alan Poe, the refined taste of William S. Bourroughs, the punctuation of e.e. cummings. This work contains it all, but I forget on which page."
The Milwaukee Braves
"If Jay Cutts is not yet [in] an institution, he should be, and soon."
Better Homes and Gargoyles
"Cut it out, will ya."
- How This Story Happened - or Why This Isn't My Fault
- More Acknowledgements And Still Not My Fault
- Chapter 1 - A Tuna Sandwich, A Redhead and a Magnum
- Chapter Two - Return of the Prodigal Hominid
- Chapter Three - The Real Cadwalleder
- Chapter Four The Malingering Shadow
- Chapter 5 - The Castle Amongst the Gorse and Heather