Your mine

Your mine

80.5K Reads 4K Votes 48 Part Story
Marry By Temariyo Completed

This story talk about a man who fall in love with a maid who doesn't love him but he wants her so badly and became as a monster well that what  she sow 
So I hope you like the story and enjoy!

  • fanfic
  • fantastic
  • love
  • romantic
Do you speak English as a first language? I noticed a few mistakes and if you need a proofreader I'm available
Just a few grammar issues. Capitialize, add commas. Also this is a little confusing for readers. You say he walks away but then he is back. Just try rearranging it.
Replace this with word with "is". 
                              Add a comma before "but"
                              Instead of using and turn the last part into it's own sentence.
If you start with the format 
                              
                              {name} : (description)
                              
                              You should stick with it for all characters. Same tips for listing characteristics. Use the word plays instead of play
Simple*
                              When writing out lists, use commas to separate each item. For example, she had blue eyes, brown hair, and a bright smile.
Alfred: An extremely handsome young man, with black hair, dark eyes, and a cold aura