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Somewhere Only We Know (editing)

Somewhere Only We Know (editing)

2.7M Reads 41.3K Votes 36 Part Story
inu_mike By inu_mike Completed

Proud Watty Winner “I can’t let you go Gabriel”, My eyes grew wide I didn’t know what to do I was shocked Ash was kissing me and I like it all my thoughts went away and my mind went blank. I closed my eyes as my mouth started to move with hers you know that electric feeling you’re supposed to get when you’re with you’re soul mate I was feeling that right now. She nibbled on my lip as I felt her tongue cross over my lip sensuously asking for entrance I automatically granted her access I felt her tongue glide gracefully into my mouth she tasted like Winter fresh she pushed me her body up against mines making me push harder into the brick wall, I heard a moan as she sucked and played with my tongue I think that was me I was running out of breath as we attacked each others mouth I think she was to because she pulled back and rest her forehead on mines, my eyes were still closed, we were both breathing heavy. I opened my eyes and looked at her she was staring me straight in my eyes.

“I like you Gabby hell I think I might even actually love you” She said staring at me waiting for my reaction, her words just processed through my head Ash likes me or loves me then I thought about what Samantha said then what I saw then I realized something I just made out with a girl who just happens to be my best friend I didn’t know what to say so I did the next best thing that came to my mind I pushed her away slightly she looked at me hurt.

“I’m sorry Ash but but I ccan’t” I stuttered with tears forming in my eyes she can’t say that to me..

1) why do clothes have genders. 
                              2) how is not wearing a skirt "dressing like a boy"?
I recommend putting a comma or a period between "she" and "only".
She literally just said that her name was Gabriel - which kicked off the horrible pitch-up line, and the laughing fit. Of course they know you dumb, hot girl.
Love Sean's hair. 
                              1) a comma before while. 
                              2) "that is spiked" is a bit awkward. Why not "dirty-blonde spiked hair" or "spiked dirty-blonde hair" 
                              3) it IS hard to slip in unakward character descriptions in the exposition, but how does their physical appearances make them a cute couple?
Looking forward to reading. 
                              **warning. I will likely point out any errors I see. If you don't find this helpful, just tell me to stop, and I probably will.**
Either lowercase that "It's" or make it a separate sentence.