Inner Beauty or bust...

Inner Beauty or bust...

139 Reads 7 Votes 2 Part Story
Karen Sampson By KarenSampson Updated Jul 11, 2017

When a 15 year old overweight girl comes to the rescue of her 15 year old gorgeous neighbor boy she learns a lesson that will take her on an adventure that will last her lifetime

  • hiddentreasures
  • wattys2017
ZonderZorg ZonderZorg Aug 14, 2017
This paragraph needs to be broken into several smaller ones.
ZonderZorg ZonderZorg Aug 14, 2017
The first sentence is convoluted and difficult to comprehend. It needs restructuring and punctuation.
                              
                              I like the image of imagining the adventures of the squirrels, and the idea of giving them names.
TLFrench TLFrench Jul 16, 2017
Off to a good start! Very descriptive. 
                              My only suggestion is to break some of your longer paragraphs up a little. It will make it easier on the eyes, especially when reading on a device such as your phone. 
                              Wattpad's format makes everything look longer.
KarenSampson KarenSampson Oct 14, 2017
I saw them also in Kansas they are awesome thanks for reading my story thinking of  un publishing but I appreciate it can't wait to read more of your works
ZonderZorg ZonderZorg Aug 14, 2017
You switch to the past tense in the last line with 'liked'. This would be better as 'like'.
paulapdx paulapdx Oct 14, 2017
I miss seeing lightening bugs! I don't remember seeing them in any state, other than Illinois. Weird. Maybe they're just a Midwest bug.