Day and Her Knight (#Wattys2016) Editing

Day and Her Knight (#Wattys2016) Editing

74.5K Reads 4.1K Votes 45 Part Story
ddt1997 By ddt1997 Completed

This isn't your average new girl story. When Davia tries to befriend the freak of the school she hears word of terrifying rumors surrounding him, how could it be? Will he accept her or will he become only a whisper from her lips along the rumor chain?

I like the way you're writing until now, I just noticed a tiny thing: how does he know her schedule without having seen it, and her since she is new?
Brackencat Brackencat Apr 18
Try a period after "gazes", change "but" to "who", drop "of the room" altogether since you already know he's in the room, and put a period after "prying eyes". The next sentence might start "Sighing, he looks out the window towards the dense foliage...". Just a suggestion.
maxd01 maxd01 Mar 01, 2016
No problem basing a story on an RP.  I have several stories like that.