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Shhhh Don't Tell

Shhhh Don't Tell

978 Reads 19 Votes 2 Part Story
Joanne By jojo232311 Updated Jul 19, 2011

Sam has a dark secret and trying to keep it in a hush until she meets a Latin gang member Alex. Alex and Samantha both go to Kingston High. It all starts in the first day of school. Alex tries to make her fall in love just because his gang made a bet and he lost but could he be falling for her while trying to be in the gang. Could she be falling for him even though her family hates kids from the South side. Can he put her in danger while trying to protect her from himself and the gang.

NightBurgundy NightBurgundy Jan 23, 2012
i am liking the setting, but as you asked my opinion, as clichewriter said, you have run offs, i mean no commas, no dots, blah blah blah and it messes me up :s really. but, if you only correct that, your story will be great. it is, but even better. :D dont takee it personal...
clichewriter clichewriter Jul 22, 2011
Same as Apocalypse_Bunny013,
                              Your sentences seem to not flow together as well. The grammar also interferes a bit with the reading. As for the story, for a teen fiction, it seems pretty good. The characters could be a bit more developed, but so far, so good! 
clichewriter clichewriter Jul 22, 2011
Not sure where the story is going, considering it is only the chapter, but I do believe there are some [perhaps a bit more than some] grammatical errors and run-on sentences. Seems a bit rushed, but there is potential. I wanna see where this is going.
jojo232311 jojo232311 Jul 21, 2011
@Apocalypse_Bunny013 Gringa means white girl. lol Thanks for the compliment and your right i do need to make my sentences a little bit smoother thanks! 
Tatti3 Tatti3 Jul 19, 2011 isnt the best right now. but im pretty sure it will be getting great ! this is only the first chapter so of course it's kinda rough. but i do love it! it's interesting! and idk if it's just me, but i think you have grammar issues, like your periods. Idk probably just me.
analbaby_03 analbaby_03 Jul 18, 2011
oh god love it already i know you said you'll upload soon but i cant wait but i might not read for a while cause i like to let the chapters build up and come back to it later because i read like super fastut you're a great writer