Vandal Valkyrie

Vandal Valkyrie

15.7K Reads 1.1K Votes 70 Part Story
Kristopher Grows By KristopherGrows Updated Jan 25

"It feasts upon the living. It feasts upon the dead. It feasts on its own flesh and starves. It starves for eons and it starves thereafter."

   In the Black Book of Harkenvold the Mad Count pens these words. The End of Days has come and gone yet humanity survives, under siege by Horrors from beyond sanity. The people know not the truths of the Book, and it is good, lest their every hope be revealed for desperate lies.

   The vile text speaks of Alfair and Paemani. They will lead their nation against the Horrors and a noble kingdom will rise. It tells of the Princess Valkyrie. Allies she will gather and miracles will be wrought to bring justice against the greatest darkness known. They are pawns. They and the evils they face, all are but pieces in a cruel game played at the peril of creation. 

   This secret knowledge fills the pages of the Mad Count's horrid tome, each blasphemy unimaginable even to the scribe. The words are not his own but those of a misbegotten thing which feasts on the living and the dead. It feasts upon its own flesh and starves. It feasts and starves and starves and feasts and starves and starves and starves... 

   ...for eons.

      (Author's Note: Dark Fantasy and Horror. Complete, but still being edited. Tax season is busy, normal updates are unlikely until April. The first edit of parts 1 and 2 are posted, as is part 3 through Chapter Sixteen - The Road Once Traveled. Beyond that point it is still the rough draft.)

      (Original Cover Art by Alex Ruiz, http://www.conceptmonster.net )

Jazzy_Cube Jazzy_Cube Mar 16, 2016
Did the tense change? I thought this was past tense. Sorry if I'm being dumb
kheprinmatu kheprinmatu Apr 02, 2016
She's not going to be describing the sound of her own voice, surely? This seems to be written in a fairly close third person perspective, so it reads out of place.
Jazzy_Cube Jazzy_Cube Mar 16, 2016
You could make this a bit more descriptive and merge the two sentences.
kheprinmatu kheprinmatu Apr 02, 2016
"ever having blessed" should be "to have ever blessed".
                              
                              Good insight and characterisation in this paragraph.
kheprinmatu kheprinmatu Apr 02, 2016
Comma after Enter or that dialogue takes on a whole other meaning.
Royal_rahaz Royal_rahaz Mar 02, 2016
I am tottaly hooked! I really like you're writing style. One thing I would say is to describe in detail and write their emotions.