Vandal Valkyrie (Draft Version)

Vandal Valkyrie (Draft Version)

16.2K Reads 1.1K Votes 70 Part Story
Kristopher Grows By KristopherGrows Updated Jan 25

A madman puts to parchment the doom of all creation.
 
His black book tells a grim and hopeless history, of grand efforts gone awry and a future that can no longer be stopped. What he writes would drive sanity from the wise and kill the souls of the faithful, revealing their every hope for desperate lies. One being alone has withstood this Truth. That one is a misbegotten thing that has feasted and starved and suffered for uncountable ages.
 
The black book speaks Vandal, the Witch of the Murk. She will push back the Horrors and a noble kingdom will rise. It speaks of the champion Valkyrie. By her hand will miracles be wrought, to bring justice against the greatest darkness known. It speaks of them, but it says only that each is a mere pawn. The Truth is that no man or woman is anything more than a game piece, moved by nightmares given form in the fathomless abyss.
 
Blasphemies beyond imagining flow from the pen of the madman. Even he is ignorant of the Truth he records, for the words are not his own. Every passage comes to him from a great and tortured beast, feeding forever on the living and the dead. It feasts upon its own flesh and starves. Feasting and starving, starving and feasting, through bleak eternity. Hunger, and agony, and terrible fear...
 
...for eons.


- Visit this book's website at VandalValkyrie.com or my own site at Ringwyrm.com -

  • adventure
  • bizarre
  • dark
  • darkfantasy
  • dracula
  • fantasy
  • highfantasy
  • horror
  • lovecraft
  • map
  • midieval
  • monster
  • post-apocalyptic
  • valkyrie
Jazzy_Cube Jazzy_Cube Mar 16, 2016
Did the tense change? I thought this was past tense. Sorry if I'm being dumb
kheprinmatu kheprinmatu Apr 02, 2016
She's not going to be describing the sound of her own voice, surely? This seems to be written in a fairly close third person perspective, so it reads out of place.
Jazzy_Cube Jazzy_Cube Mar 16, 2016
You could make this a bit more descriptive and merge the two sentences.
kheprinmatu kheprinmatu Apr 02, 2016
"ever having blessed" should be "to have ever blessed".
                              
                              Good insight and characterisation in this paragraph.
kheprinmatu kheprinmatu Apr 02, 2016
Comma after Enter or that dialogue takes on a whole other meaning.
Royal_rahaz Royal_rahaz Mar 02, 2016
I am tottaly hooked! I really like you're writing style. One thing I would say is to describe in detail and write their emotions.