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❧ Soul Tear ❧(On Hold! Slow Updates - Heavy Revisions Chapter 16 + )

❧ Soul Tear ❧(On Hold! Slow Updates - Heavy Revisions Chapter 16 + )

16.1K Reads 296 Votes 61 Part Story
𝓇𝑜𝒷𝒾𝓃 𝓉. 𝓋𝒶𝓁𝑒 By darkocean Updated Mar 17

Revisions are almost done! 30 chapters to go.

Merryn Dentree is a 70-year-old Elven priestess (20 in human years,) who gave up the quiet life to help her people. 

A god imprisoned within the ancient Book of Souls has weakened the rune seals that bound him to it. 

Plans to destroy him go askew, minutes after handling, the runes shattered.  

With no physical body to house him, he went into hers. 

She races home desperate for help, all the while a wrathfull guard hunts her, waiting to strike. 

One heart two minds, keeping her sanity soon becomes the biggest battle of all.

Like @wadiawrites said, there's a tense shift here that you need to fix
Also, it's unclear what 'it' is. The port? The book? The city?
darkocean darkocean Apr 01
Actually, I didn't ask that person to come in and critique (not that I remember.)  so please if you are don't use their critique as a reference. If I'm wrong forgive me.
"like a sore throat..."
                              This sentence is also a fragment. Also, the simile is a bit of a stretch...
darkocean darkocean Mar 31
Though, thank you for your critique. I forgot... did I ask one from you?
darkocean darkocean Jan 27
This chapter has been edited again and have crunched the word count down from 3475 word to 2715. :) Everything is still there just condensed, so should read even faster.