❧ Soul Tear ❧(On Hold! Slow Updates - Heavy Revisions Chapter 16 + )

❧ Soul Tear ❧(On Hold! Slow Updates - Heavy Revisions Chapter 16 + )

16.2K Reads 296 Votes 61 Part Story
𝓇𝑜𝒷𝒾𝓃 𝓉. 𝓋𝒶𝓁𝑒 By darkocean Updated Mar 17

Revisions are almost done! 30 chapters to go.

Merryn Dentree is a 70-year-old Elven priestess (20 in human years,) who gave up the quiet life to help her people. 

A god imprisoned within the ancient Book of Souls has weakened the rune seals that bound him to it. 

Plans to destroy him go askew, minutes after handling the book, the runes shatter.  

With no physical body to house him, he merged with Merryn's.

Racing home she's desperate for help; all the while a wrathfull guard hunts her, waiting to strike. 

Two hearts, two minds. Keeping her sanity soon becomes the biggest battle of all.

Like @wadiawrites said, there's a tense shift here that you need to fix
Also, it's unclear what 'it' is. The port? The book? The city?
darkocean darkocean Apr 01
Actually, I didn't ask that person to come in and critique (not that I remember.)  so please if you are don't use their critique as a reference. If I'm wrong forgive me.
I liked the descriptions of the actions. For me it was a little confusing what was going on, but that was probably just because I was tiered. But other than that, VERY good first chapter! :)
darkocean darkocean Aug 12
Excuse the typos, I'm on my ohone again. Tiny keyboards and I don't get along. xP 😣
"like a sore throat..."
                              This sentence is also a fragment. Also, the simile is a bit of a stretch...