Just Another Lothario

Just Another Lothario

37 Part Story 67K Reads 1.7K Votes
Fofoaivaoese Ungor By FofoaivaoeseUngor Updated Dec 29, 2015

Smoke, ashes, burning flesh. That is what woke her. The smell. So foul, so wrong. She tilted her head as she stared out the smoke filled night. Something's burning, she thought. A scream echoed through the night that had her sitting upright. 
    
    She peered out her bedroom window and looked down into the red filled street. There laid a car turned on it's side, flames licking the massive structure. The street itself was in chaos, crowded with civilians awakened by the startling embers. 
    
    She spotted something along the broken window of the flaming vehicle. 
    
    Blood. But something else was there. A small object that she couldn't make out. She squinted her eyes, trying to make out the mysterious object.
    
    "Child, come here." She turned to the voice that had spoken and found Miss Sarah Bentley striding towards her. "What are you doing up?" She closed the window curtains shut. "That is no concern of ours. Now off to bed with you." Miss Bentley had grabbed her arm firmly and tugged her towards th...

shywriter15 shywriter15 Aug 30, 2011 09:12PM
Very good and original. Please update soon though...... I'm willing to beg!
MsArtemis MsArtemis Aug 13, 2011 10:10PM
Great start-I actually gasped aloud when I saw the hand sticking out of the wreckage part. Wow. Nice-voted and put in my library
wheadee wheadee Aug 13, 2011 09:48PM
Nicely done, only spotted a few grammar errors and spelling mistakes
GraceUgwueke GraceUgwueke Aug 13, 2011 09:40PM
pretty good! Honestly, I din't like these types of stories but this wasn't bad! You had a few mistakes like 'strding' instead of 'striding'. Your details are very nice as well! Your writing flows very smoothly. Nice work.
helloimbailey helloimbailey Aug 13, 2011 09:18PM
This is very interesting. Unfortunately, this isn't my type of read. And Ashley Benson as Sylvia! I love her on Pretty Little Liars! Great work though! (:
Kaisa-Chan Kaisa-Chan Aug 12, 2011 06:56PM
Wow... Just wow... This intro was amazing :) this is some of the best writing I've read in awhile :)