The Mate of a Monster

I cursed myself. I was in love with him. My heart hammered inside my chest, as I repeated the words.
I was in love with him.
I could feel my mind scrambling to defend itself, but it didn't. I was in love with him. I was. I had spent so much time trying to hate him I had looked past the obvious. I was in love with Dezmond Collins.
He just killed a man right in front of me, and I was still clutching onto him never wanting him to let me go. I lost everything because of him, my family, my life, everything. I was completely aware of him murdering innocent women and children, and yet I was also completely aware how much I didn't care.
I was pathetic.
I knew how much of a monster he was, but here I was falling head over heels. I was becoming infatuated with his very existence, and I hated myself for it. I hated him.
I repeated those words to myself.
I hate Dezmond Collins.
Even I could hear how much of a lie that was. How could I ever love something like him?
He was a monster. He was a ruthless, cold monster.
What part of ruthless monster did my mind not understand? Every part of my body was warm being in his arms, yet my mind was screaming at me to stop. My mind was telling me how stupid I was being. I can't possibly begin to love a monster.
He would never love me. He can't love, anyone or anything, so why am I getting my hopes up only to have them completely crushed?
"Kendal" I was pulled out of my bubble of over-thinking, I looked up at him.
"Are you going to let me go?" he asked me sounding irritated. I should. I should let everything go, I should leave here as soon as possible. I should run away and never return.
Because I'm falling in love with a monster.
My breath caught in my throat at the realization. I knew it was true no matter how much I denied it. No matter how much I avoided it. I knew how right I was.
I was falling in love with Dezmond Collins.

*Warning: This story is really frustrating but its worth it in the end*