Ledman Pickup

Ledman Pickup

735 Reads 215 Votes 26 Part Story
Tom Lichtenberg By tomlichtenberg Completed

If you were a sentient gadget, what would you do? Travel? See the world? After overhearing one warehouse worker tell another that 'Green Bay is better than San Francisco', a newly conscious handheld device decides to re-route its shipping destination. Along the way its talent for personality recording and playback leads a number of unsuspecting human carriers through a host of changes.

  • adventure
  • chase
  • devices
  • gadgets
  • tech
tomlichtenberg tomlichtenberg Apr 17, 2015
@LolaDom thanks, I usually think that's one of my weaknesses in writing, not enough detail!
tomlichtenberg tomlichtenberg Apr 12, 2015
I guess I never really thought about it (dang, i can't put that in italics!)
tomlichtenberg tomlichtenberg Apr 12, 2015
the present time is supposed to be two days since she sent the package
shalonsims shalonsims Apr 12, 2015
She is hilarious!! Ha! I'm sure this is going to prove an entertaining, yet probably fruitless adventure!  excellent first chapter. There is the one section that needs work, imo, to clarify what is happening and when.
shalonsims shalonsims Apr 12, 2015
typically people use italics for thoughts. Is there a reason you don't?
shalonsims shalonsims Apr 12, 2015
is this two days since the beginning of the story? I was surprised by the jump in time. Perhaps you can show the passage of time, for example by showing her going to bed. So far the story is primarily thoughts, memories and exposition with very little happening in terms of scenes.