Obsession

Obsession

797 Reads 72 Votes 14 Part Story
Leetah Begallie By LBegallie Updated Jun 04, 2017

While on a vacation at West Edmonton Mall with her best friend, Maia, Cheryl discovers that the guy she is trying to avoid has followed them across two provinces. Her ex-boyfriend, Brad, has been stalking her ever since she broke up with him and not even a road trip could dissuade him. While trying to have fun regardless, Cheryl drinks too much and wakes up to find that she has been kidnapped, but not by Brad.
Soon her life turns chaotic as she discovers an underground sect of genetically altered super humans.
Separated from her friend and with no idea how to escape Brad on her own, Cheryl throws her allegiance to the only people who seem to be able to help her. Her kidnappers.


This synopsis is incomplete because I'm not totally sure where this story is going! This is a first draft so please be kind when you inevitably find plot holes and grammar mistakes (But please let me know about them in the comments!)
Thank you and happy reading!

  • fantasy
  • firstdraft
  • genetics
  • newadult
  • obsession
  • scifi
  • stalker
  • superhuman
CarolineAndrus CarolineAndrus Jul 11, 2017
LOL I like this turn of events. :) 
                              (Also, "When THEY arrived" - you said to point out errors. :) )
LoriLesko LoriLesko Jun 06, 2017
Great job so far! Only found 1 typo:  (She joined her friend laughter.) about 2/3 down. Shouldn't it be: (friend's laughter)?
                              
                              I've never even heard of that Mall. Must Google it. Also, more clarification on the ages would help me out. Maybe that comes later. :-)
CarolineAndrus CarolineAndrus Jul 11, 2017
This opening feels a little clunky. I wouldn't describe them right away. I would jump right into the story. :)
KellaCampbell KellaCampbell Nov 18, 2016
Great creepy start. I want to yell at Maia for not believing Cheryl! ❤️
MatthewPrice7 MatthewPrice7 Feb 26, 2015
I'm excited to see what the stalker is up to. This story has a good hook :)