Elysion

Elysion

70 Reads 5 Votes 2 Part Story
Travis Shavers By AlleonWolf Updated Dec 16, 2012

Duke, the protagonist of the story believes that his weekend away from school to go have some camping fun with friends is about to get a whole new perspective on life once he finds his home invaded by demons. He is forced to flee into a place where everything seems familiar. With a special power he gains to begin his journey, how will he overcome this menace?

Kuronohikari Kuronohikari Feb 06, 2013
Its pretty good. In between some of the names mix up, some sentences feel a bit off, and there are a few spelling mistakes, but other than that,it sounds like a nice read, although I feel ur rushing the intros a bit. But the Japanese names sold it for me ^_^ I love that!!!!
AlleonWolf AlleonWolf Dec 17, 2012
Ok thanks, I will think more about that and see how i can change it.
AlleonWolf AlleonWolf Dec 17, 2012
Lol thanks, i realized that myself. But don worry. I begin to add more dialogue in this next chapter. Maybe a bit too much as well lol
MiloshPetrik MiloshPetrik Dec 17, 2012
There's some potential, but you need to improve your grammar, and also read more of what you like. And I mean books, not manga. 
                              
                              This looks raw and unedited, but with practice it could be much better.
saint-clarity saint-clarity Dec 17, 2012
Too much description and too little dialougues. Hope it isn't too harsh. Btw, this story has amazing plot. Good work x