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Pen Your Pride


3K Reads 175 Votes 7 Part Story
ze_kewl_gurl By UndergroundVelvet Updated Nov 19, 2013

Absentmindedly, he glanced around the herd of people walking across the crosswalk in front of his car, as they were the reason his light had changed- causing a delay his sexual desires. His gaze stopped at one figure, and all feeling left his body. He blankly stared at her for a few seconds, registering the sight.

Soon enough, elation washed over him as he was reminded of all the times they'd shared together. However, the elation had been cut short from its usual journey, as he remembered that they were no longer a couple.

UndergroundVelvet UndergroundVelvet Jan 06, 2013
@Sheena_Nakamura hmmmm... You're right. Maybe I should just take it out of the excerpt... I only put it in so the readers would know what I was writing. But now that I think about it, it gives nothing to the storyline.
UndergroundVelvet UndergroundVelvet Jan 06, 2013
@chiburple yeah, I understand what you say, I actually experimented by taking out the adverbs, and I like it! I'm editing this in a second- thank you:)
chiburple chiburple Jan 05, 2013
                              Perhaps consider how it would read without the adverbs (absentmindedly, blankiy) 
isabel75 isabel75 Jan 05, 2013
It sounds really good! I'm going to read it right now! I love the way how in such a short space you've used al lot of details!!
UndergroundVelvet UndergroundVelvet Dec 17, 2012
@murderella thank you!  Yeah, he's been growing on me over the past few months :)
UndergroundVelvet UndergroundVelvet Dec 13, 2012
@Lotsofluv46 bahaha thank you :) yeah, i saw his picture on pinterest and i nearly went crazy on the spot lol