The Boss

The Boss

29.5K Reads 1K Votes 6 Part Story
Moonlight_Blue_Stars By Moonlight_Blue_Stars Updated Feb 21, 2015

Julia Star is new to New York City from San Antonio, Texas. She is currently in the lobby of Sapphires Industries applying for a job as an assistant. She just wants to live a normal life, but that impossible once she meets her new boss, Mr.Sapphire.

HopeSwearingen HopeSwearingen Feb 07, 2015
Nice use of figurative language! Try different forms of dialogue in your story. Maybe the character can add an action or emotion when they speak. I can show you a few models if you would like to see an example of vivid dialogue.
HopeSwearingen HopeSwearingen Feb 07, 2015
Good job! I'm intrigued to learn more about the character, Ms.Star, and her new job. Two thumbs up! Try using more effective diction in your writing. Also, there were a few moments that imagery would have improved the scene. Over all, I think this is a great start!