Welcome to Vanderson Prep.
"We have secrets."
I'm sure you're child will love it here.
Here, take a pamphlet.
"We're supported by everyone, maybe even your husband."
We offer a variety of classes.
"Your child will get an A, so long as they learn to play along"
Sports? Oh, we rank number 1 in all of them.
"We know how to negotiate, your child's well being may be at risk, but that's nothing a trophy cant fix."
Bullying? Not a problem on this campus, we're all friends here at Vanderson.
"If your child is pretty."
Hazing? Not a problem either, our kids are kind.
"Maybe to kind."
Drop out rate? Low... very low.
"Disappearance rate? High... Very High."
Graduation rate? Well, it's the highest it's ever been.
"We'll be sure to send your child out into the world knowing just how real it can get."
Oh, You only have one child enrolling? A girl, Wonderful.
"Watch her change before your very eyes."
She'll enjoy it.
"Our Boys will make sure of that."