I don't know when it started,
But in my mind it never ends.
That continuous endless torture has made me come to realize that...
I am officially going insane.
I like to think of it as...
A dangerous mix of fire and ice,
A destructive war between white and black.
Either a little too much or nothing at all.
And all of that happened in my mind.
Of course later, this insanity has possessed a name....Bipolar Disorder.
And what I experienced were more commonly called maniac and depressive episodes.
For you, they may be just words.
To me, it meant a hell of a roller coaster.
So this is the best opportunity for you to....
Run your fingers through my soul.
For once, just once.
Feel exactly what I feel,
Believe what I believe,
Perceive as I perceive,
Look, experience, examine....
And for once, just once....Understand.
Before anything I'd like to make something clear.
Depression most absolutely and definitely doesn't equal sadness.
Depression is feeling empty.
Depression is feeling numb.
Depression is being alive yet feeling so dead.
So please refrain from using 'depressed' in your everyday whining.
Depression is not just a feeling.
What most people forget-or ignore- is that depression once and for all ,a mental illness.
So no you're not depressed.
Maybe sad...or very sad.
You don't have to wake up every morning and hate it...even if you shouldn't be surprised. After all what do we expect to happen after we fall asleep?
You don't have to feel numb to emotions or feel everything all at once.
You don't have that devilish voice, dripping venom in your ear, telling you that you are worthless, that nobody cares, that life isn't worth living.
But I do.
So you don't know pain...
Until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears streaming down your face and you're begging yourself to just hold on and be strong...
That is pain...
...I truly wish you never go there.