Fake smiles and forced laughter can only get you so far. As soon as you take that final step in trying kill your sadness, you can't go back to the way things were before. Everyone will know your secret, whether you want them to or not. Usually, recovering from such an event is the turning point of your life. Niall doesn't like to complain, and he isn't one for sharing his feelings, so recovery seems almost as bad as suicide; but he can't pretend it's okay anymore.