Station Five

4 Part Story 1.3K Reads 70 Votes
D. L. Mackenzie By dlmackenzie Updated 2 years ago
Mia Cordova is a nurse's aide at Los Arcos Care Center, a large skilled nursing facility caring for the profoundly disabled.  Abby Tate, Mia's twenty-one-year-old patient, has been in a coma for almost two years, kept alive on a ventilator.  When Abby unexpectedly wakes up to find herself a quadriplegic, she withdraws into her own inexpressible feelings of grief, loss, and fear.  As her memories return, it seems Abby is somehow unconsciously channeling some dark and vengeful power, a malevolent force that threatens to destroy everyone and everything around her.
Nitpicking Central:
                                    
                                    Ch. 1, Part 4:  "... Abby wasn't just unconscious.  She had almost no brain activity."  Isn't that a bit extreme?  I mean, even in a coma a person would register lots of brain activity on an EEG; it would be at lower levels only in certain areas, no?  How about something like:  "She had almost no brain activity that would indicate any awareness of her surroundings."? (or the like)
                                    
                                    Ch. 2, Part 1:  "... but she was edgy for the rest of her shift,"  In the context of the rest of the sentence, shouldn't it be "but had been edgy ..."?
                                    
                                    "        ":  isn't it "eyeing'? (the kitties)
                                    
                                    "        ":  "startled", started?
                                    
                                    Sorry, sorry ... it's looking good, building nicely.
Nitpicking Central:
                                    
                                    Ch. 1, Part 4:  "... Abby wasn't just unconscious.  She had almost no brain activity."  Isn't that a bit extreme?  I mean, even in a coma a person would register lots of brain activity on an EEG; it would be at lower levels only in certain areas, no?  How about something like:  "She had almost no brain activity that would indicate any awareness of her surroundings."? (or the like)
                                    
                                    Ch. 2, Part 1:  "... but she was edgy for the rest of her shift,"  In the context of the rest of the sentence, shouldn't it be "but had been edgy ..."?
                                    
                                    "        ":  isn't it "eyeing'? (the kitties)
                                    
                                    "        ":  "startled", started?
                                    
                                    Sorry, sorry ... it's looking good, building nicely.
Nitpicking Central:
                                    
                                    Ch. 1, Part 4:  "... Abby wasn't just unconscious.  She had almost no brain activity."  Isn't that a bit extreme?  I mean, even in a coma a person would register lots of brain activity on an EEG; it would be at lower levels only in certain areas, no?  How about something like:  "She had almost no brain activity that would indicate any awareness of her surroundings."? (or the like)
                                    
                                    Ch. 2, Part 1:  "... but she was edgy for the rest of her shift,"  In the context of the rest of the sentence, shouldn't it be "but had been edgy ..."?
                                    
                                    "        ":  isn't it "eyeing'? (the kitties)
                                    
                                    "        ":  "startled", started?
                                    
                                    Sorry, sorry ... it's looking good, building nicely.
Nitpicking Central:
                                    
                                    Ch. 1, Part 4:  "... Abby wasn't just unconscious.  She had almost no brain activity."  Isn't that a bit extreme?  I mean, even in a coma a person would register lots of brain activity on an EEG; it would be at lower levels only in certain areas, no?  How about something like:  "She had almost no brain activity that would indicate any awareness of her surroundings."? (or the like)
                                    
                                    Ch. 2, Part 1:  "... but she was edgy for the rest of her shift,"  In the context of the rest of the sentence, shouldn't it be "but had been edgy ..."?
                                    
                                    "        ":  isn't it "eyeing'? (the kitties)
                                    
                                    "        ":  "startled", started?
                                    
                                    Sorry, sorry ... it's looking good, building nicely.
Nitpicking Central:
                                    
                                    Ch. 1, Part 4:  "... Abby wasn't just unconscious.  She had almost no brain activity."  Isn't that a bit extreme?  I mean, even in a coma a person would register lots of brain activity on an EEG; it would be at lower levels only in certain areas, no?  How about something like:  "She had almost no brain activity that would indicate any awareness of her surroundings."? (or the like)
                                    
                                    Ch. 2, Part 1:  "... but she was edgy for the rest of her shift,"  In the context of the rest of the sentence, shouldn't it be "but had been edgy ..."?
                                    
                                    "        ":  isn't it "eyeing'? (the kitties)
                                    
                                    "        ":  "startled", started?
                                    
                                    Sorry, sorry ... it's looking good, building nicely.
Nitpicking Central:
                                    
                                    Ch. 1, Part 4:  "... Abby wasn't just unconscious.  She had almost no brain activity."  Isn't that a bit extreme?  I mean, even in a coma a person would register lots of brain activity on an EEG; it would be at lower levels only in certain areas, no?  How about something like:  "She had almost no brain activity that would indicate any awareness of her surroundings."? (or the like)
                                    
                                    Ch. 2, Part 1:  "... but she was edgy for the rest of her shift,"  In the context of the rest of the sentence, shouldn't it be "but had been edgy ..."?
                                    
                                    "        ":  isn't it "eyeing'? (the kitties)
                                    
                                    "        ":  "startled", started?
                                    
                                    Sorry, sorry ... it's looking good, building nicely.