Firstly, it was just the prisoners that were used. 
    
    Then it became orphans, and even some of the elderly. 
    
    Now it is everyone in a society where people are struggling to find work. 
    
    Money is offered to anyone willing to volunteer themselves or their children to take part in scientific trials run by the organisation called Calox.
    
    Except no one ever gets the money. 
    
    No one is ever seen again once they've volunteered for the trials.
    
    (This is the first book in the 'Children of Calox' series. 'Flames' is the sequel, and therefore the second book in the series. I plan to write between three and five books in total.)
A good start. This is very interesting indeed. I like your blurb. It sounds fascinating. I think you have a great concept so it will be interesting seeing how to the story unfolds.
                                    
                                    You write well. I liked the vivid descriptions. They set the scene well. Good use of dialogue. It was convincing.
                                    
                                    I did notice some grammatical errors that interrupted the flow and made me stop a few times. A simple editing will fix those.
                                    
                                    Some things I noticed - parenthesis not included:
                                    
                                    The event had ... in the first place(.) The fact that it remained a secret was an added bonus.
                                    
                                    Don't use a comma to separate independent clauses.
                                    
                                    "Ladies and gentlemen(.)" The (male) voice over the loudspeaker silenced the banter taking place within the hall(.) "May I invite you all to take a seat."
                                    
                                    He'd worked so hard ... to the audience, (who) were now now potential business partners.
                                    
                                    He stepped (forward), his heeled ...
                                    
                                    I look forward to being introduced to your main character. I sense there is a great adventure ahead. Nicely done.
A good start. This is very interesting indeed. I like your blurb. It sounds fascinating. I think you have a great concept so it will be interesting seeing how to the story unfolds.
                                    
                                    You write well. I liked the vivid descriptions. They set the scene well. Good use of dialogue. It was convincing.
                                    
                                    I did notice some grammatical errors that interrupted the flow and made me stop a few times. A simple editing will fix those.
                                    
                                    Some things I noticed - parenthesis not included:
                                    
                                    The event had ... in the first place(.) The fact that it remained a secret was an added bonus.
                                    
                                    Don't use a comma to separate independent clauses.
                                    
                                    "Ladies and gentlemen(.)" The (male) voice over the loudspeaker silenced the banter taking place within the hall(.) "May I invite you all to take a seat."
                                    
                                    He'd worked so hard ... to the audience, (who) were now now potential business partners.
                                    
                                    He stepped (forward), his heeled ...
                                    
                                    I look forward to being introduced to your main character. I sense there is a great adventure ahead. Nicely done.
A good start. This is very interesting indeed. I like your blurb. It sounds fascinating. I think you have a great concept so it will be interesting seeing how to the story unfolds.
                                    
                                    You write well. I liked the vivid descriptions. They set the scene well. Good use of dialogue. It was convincing.
                                    
                                    I did notice some grammatical errors that interrupted the flow and made me stop a few times. A simple editing will fix those.
                                    
                                    Some things I noticed - parenthesis not included:
                                    
                                    The event had ... in the first place(.) The fact that it remained a secret was an added bonus.
                                    
                                    Don't use a comma to separate independent clauses.
                                    
                                    "Ladies and gentlemen(.)" The (male) voice over the loudspeaker silenced the banter taking place within the hall(.) "May I invite you all to take a seat."
                                    
                                    He'd worked so hard ... to the audience, (who) were now now potential business partners.
                                    
                                    He stepped (forward), his heeled ...
                                    
                                    I look forward to being introduced to your main character. I sense there is a great adventure ahead. Nicely done.
A good start. This is very interesting indeed. I like your blurb. It sounds fascinating. I think you have a great concept so it will be interesting seeing how to the story unfolds.
                                    
                                    You write well. I liked the vivid descriptions. They set the scene well. Good use of dialogue. It was convincing.
                                    
                                    I did notice some grammatical errors that interrupted the flow and made me stop a few times. A simple editing will fix those.
                                    
                                    Some things I noticed - parenthesis not included:
                                    
                                    The event had ... in the first place(.) The fact that it remained a secret was an added bonus.
                                    
                                    Don't use a comma to separate independent clauses.
                                    
                                    "Ladies and gentlemen(.)" The (male) voice over the loudspeaker silenced the banter taking place within the hall(.) "May I invite you all to take a seat."
                                    
                                    He'd worked so hard ... to the audience, (who) were now now potential business partners.
                                    
                                    He stepped (forward), his heeled ...
                                    
                                    I look forward to being introduced to your main character. I sense there is a great adventure ahead. Nicely done.
A good start. This is very interesting indeed. I like your blurb. It sounds fascinating. I think you have a great concept so it will be interesting seeing how to the story unfolds.
                                    
                                    You write well. I liked the vivid descriptions. They set the scene well. Good use of dialogue. It was convincing.
                                    
                                    I did notice some grammatical errors that interrupted the flow and made me stop a few times. A simple editing will fix those.
                                    
                                    Some things I noticed - parenthesis not included:
                                    
                                    The event had ... in the first place(.) The fact that it remained a secret was an added bonus.
                                    
                                    Don't use a comma to separate independent clauses.
                                    
                                    "Ladies and gentlemen(.)" The (male) voice over the loudspeaker silenced the banter taking place within the hall(.) "May I invite you all to take a seat."
                                    
                                    He'd worked so hard ... to the audience, (who) were now now potential business partners.
                                    
                                    He stepped (forward), his heeled ...
                                    
                                    I look forward to being introduced to your main character. I sense there is a great adventure ahead. Nicely done.
A good start. This is very interesting indeed. I like your blurb. It sounds fascinating. I think you have a great concept so it will be interesting seeing how to the story unfolds.
                                    
                                    You write well. I liked the vivid descriptions. They set the scene well. Good use of dialogue. It was convincing.
                                    
                                    I did notice some grammatical errors that interrupted the flow and made me stop a few times. A simple editing will fix those.
                                    
                                    Some things I noticed - parenthesis not included:
                                    
                                    The event had ... in the first place(.) The fact that it remained a secret was an added bonus.
                                    
                                    Don't use a comma to separate independent clauses.
                                    
                                    "Ladies and gentlemen(.)" The (male) voice over the loudspeaker silenced the banter taking place within the hall(.) "May I invite you all to take a seat."
                                    
                                    He'd worked so hard ... to the audience, (who) were now now potential business partners.
                                    
                                    He stepped (forward), his heeled ...
                                    
                                    I look forward to being introduced to your main character. I sense there is a great adventure ahead. Nicely done.