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The Lost Elements

The Lost Elements

44.9K Reads 3K Votes 47 Part Story
Phoebe1877 By Phoebe1877 Completed

This is the first real story I've written so please leave any and all criticism or suggestions about the story! Thanks for reading!

(Under Major Editing)

anesjke anesjke Apr 08
I just realised this is called The 'Lost' Elements.  Not The 'Last' Elements
deepsealife deepsealife Apr 10, 2016
Oooh. Entry of evil step-dad! ! Another awesome chapter.  I liked how he conveniently describes her, convincing her paranoia.  I assumed she was another flesh eating monster,  but I am clearly wrong :P 
                              Pretty perfect.
deepsealife deepsealife Apr 10, 2016
The sentence formation here is jumbled up.  When you say,  'I  can't. ... much less....', you mention the easier task first.  I can't hold a pen,  much less write a story. 
                              It is to imply that he is too tired to do much as walk,  forget dealing with an attack.
Phoebe1877 Phoebe1877 Apr 10, 2016
Thanks for pointing that out! I probably never would have noticed that on my own!
ImagineFantasi ImagineFantasi Aug 18, 2016
Omg people should just LISTEN for a reason before judging; then again, nearly everyone is like that..
NellyChitsunge NellyChitsunge Dec 30, 2016
This was a great chapter Phoebe! (Can I call you Phoebe? Referring to you as 'author' doesn't seem very practical :I So I'll just say Phoebe for now) This chapter was VERY well written! Im excited to read more!