He wanted his daughter to live forever: Safe and protected from war and evil.
But at what cost?
The summery sounds like Camelot Garden. It's a good manga and the story sounds interesting
Wow this is your first chapter and your a new writer? Its amazing and got me hooked already even though this story isn't in the genres I usually read :) Keep up the good work :)
This is absolutely intriguing. Lots of questions soar in my mind. Good job on making your story more and more interesting. You might also want to edit the spaces and punctuation errors. Again, you never fail to draw me to your story. Voted and Added to my Library. :D
This is really good for your first chapter, it sets the scene for a unique idea (this is they type of story I love so I know a lot about them :P) Maybe you could vary sentence starters, thats a lame critique because I couldn't think of anything wrong! Keep up the good work!
This is nice. You really write well as a new writer. I salute you. However, I need to say that I got confused with the pronouns you used here. In some, I don't know who you refer it to. But all in all, I must say its a very interesting and well-written. You really have a talent. :)
I agree with the previous comment! Really good for any story let alone your first! Pleas let me know when you update!