Eternal Discovery

24 Part Story 74.9K Reads 1.7K Votes
Theodore By Theodore21 Completed
Introducing this unique video-game inspired action story. 
    
    Welcome to the war torn land of Celestia. The world was once only home to two divine beings who ravaged the world in endless combat. They put their battle to rest only for it to be carried on to their children. The divines beings left a message that only a kind heretic would save the world. Centuries later the world continues it's war...and in the midst rises the hero.
    
    A great Fantasy story with plenty of action and a unique fighting power called soul-fusion this is one adventure you don't want to miss out on. So come on in, you won't regret it
    
    A Remake called Eternal Spirit has begun
    
    I am in urgent need of a new cover can someone help me please?
    
    Full Credit for Current cover goes to JosephGross
First off, you have a great start! It grabbed me from the beginning, and I was curious right off the bat about who the King and Queen were. However, I suggest looking over your piece for grammatical errors first. If you have a word processor (such as Microsoft Word) it can help you to check for any grammar problems you might face.
                                    
                                    Second, while you have a good plot and strong idea here, you may want to think of the mantra 'Show, don't tell.' Essentially, let the reader figure things out without leading them. In the beginning you describe the King and Queen's clothing in detail, but think about whether or not it's necessary to the story. Is it important that the King has a falcon design on his back? If not, pull it out, or consider giving it meaning.
                                    
                                    Also. you may want to fix some small errors in your prologue. ;)
                                    
                                    I hope to see more later on, however! What you have is pretty neat.
First off, you have a great start! It grabbed me from the beginning, and I was curious right off the bat about who the King and Queen were. However, I suggest looking over your piece for grammatical errors first. If you have a word processor (such as Microsoft Word) it can help you to check for any grammar problems you might face.
                                    
                                    Second, while you have a good plot and strong idea here, you may want to think of the mantra 'Show, don't tell.' Essentially, let the reader figure things out without leading them. In the beginning you describe the King and Queen's clothing in detail, but think about whether or not it's necessary to the story. Is it important that the King has a falcon design on his back? If not, pull it out, or consider giving it meaning.
                                    
                                    Also. you may want to fix some small errors in your prologue. ;)
                                    
                                    I hope to see more later on, however! What you have is pretty neat.
First off, you have a great start! It grabbed me from the beginning, and I was curious right off the bat about who the King and Queen were. However, I suggest looking over your piece for grammatical errors first. If you have a word processor (such as Microsoft Word) it can help you to check for any grammar problems you might face.
                                    
                                    Second, while you have a good plot and strong idea here, you may want to think of the mantra 'Show, don't tell.' Essentially, let the reader figure things out without leading them. In the beginning you describe the King and Queen's clothing in detail, but think about whether or not it's necessary to the story. Is it important that the King has a falcon design on his back? If not, pull it out, or consider giving it meaning.
                                    
                                    Also. you may want to fix some small errors in your prologue. ;)
                                    
                                    I hope to see more later on, however! What you have is pretty neat.
First off, you have a great start! It grabbed me from the beginning, and I was curious right off the bat about who the King and Queen were. However, I suggest looking over your piece for grammatical errors first. If you have a word processor (such as Microsoft Word) it can help you to check for any grammar problems you might face.
                                    
                                    Second, while you have a good plot and strong idea here, you may want to think of the mantra 'Show, don't tell.' Essentially, let the reader figure things out without leading them. In the beginning you describe the King and Queen's clothing in detail, but think about whether or not it's necessary to the story. Is it important that the King has a falcon design on his back? If not, pull it out, or consider giving it meaning.
                                    
                                    Also. you may want to fix some small errors in your prologue. ;)
                                    
                                    I hope to see more later on, however! What you have is pretty neat.
First off, you have a great start! It grabbed me from the beginning, and I was curious right off the bat about who the King and Queen were. However, I suggest looking over your piece for grammatical errors first. If you have a word processor (such as Microsoft Word) it can help you to check for any grammar problems you might face.
                                    
                                    Second, while you have a good plot and strong idea here, you may want to think of the mantra 'Show, don't tell.' Essentially, let the reader figure things out without leading them. In the beginning you describe the King and Queen's clothing in detail, but think about whether or not it's necessary to the story. Is it important that the King has a falcon design on his back? If not, pull it out, or consider giving it meaning.
                                    
                                    Also. you may want to fix some small errors in your prologue. ;)
                                    
                                    I hope to see more later on, however! What you have is pretty neat.
First off, you have a great start! It grabbed me from the beginning, and I was curious right off the bat about who the King and Queen were. However, I suggest looking over your piece for grammatical errors first. If you have a word processor (such as Microsoft Word) it can help you to check for any grammar problems you might face.
                                    
                                    Second, while you have a good plot and strong idea here, you may want to think of the mantra 'Show, don't tell.' Essentially, let the reader figure things out without leading them. In the beginning you describe the King and Queen's clothing in detail, but think about whether or not it's necessary to the story. Is it important that the King has a falcon design on his back? If not, pull it out, or consider giving it meaning.
                                    
                                    Also. you may want to fix some small errors in your prologue. ;)
                                    
                                    I hope to see more later on, however! What you have is pretty neat.