Lustful Sparks Never End Well *Editing*

Lustful Sparks Never End Well *Editing*

597K Reads 2.7K Votes 32 Part Story
Taylor Hallon By hallonn23 Completed

Chicago. The most dangerous city in America. It is shrouded by violence and the crime rate rises everyday. Young men are constantly being caught up in the local gangs that are slowly overtaking the city. They are getting sucked into an evil world. Spencer was no different. His mother walked out on him when he was young, leaving him with his alcoholic father and no structure in his life. In his search for that lost stability, he runs into the leader of the south side gang who takes him under his wing. Before he knows it, he is stuck in a life that everyone fears. He is associated with murderers, thieves, and ruthless guys who have spent many years behind bars. He's constantly risking his life and never knows which day may be his last. He enjoys the thrill of his new life and loves being apart of the brotherhood until one day a new girl turns his world upside down. She helps him rediscover the meaning of life. She helps him find the human side of him again. But it could be too late.

  • action
  • alley
  • chicago
  • danger
  • dating
  • feelings
  • fiction
  • gangs
  • guns
  • love
  • lovetriangle
  • lust
  • murder
  • mystery
  • relationship
  • romance
  • suspense
  • teenfiction
  • thriller
  • youngadult
Great descriptive language! However, let us know his eyes are blue in a subtler way. The way you used sounded a bit too artificial.
Overall impression of chapter: 8/10
                              
                              I liked it! Very few grammatical errors, good character/plot introduction, great prologue! Looking forward for what's to come :)
One note about your summary: It was quite choppy. It just sounded like a paragraph filled with short sentences that didn't really flow well together. Try adding a bit of melodic rhythm to to to make it easier for readers to understand. I love the idea though! :)
PinkPreppyPerfect PinkPreppyPerfect Dec 29, 2017
OOOOO I'm really intrigued by this!! Can't wait to read more!!
Say, "However, I lost the opportunity to do what I wanted" instead.
After the word "cash" at the end of the second sentence, remove the comma and replace it with a period. Since you start the next sentence of dialogue with a capital letter, you needn't keep the comma.