Nala Nyx (On Hold)

Nala Nyx (On Hold)

5 Part Story 420 Reads 45 Votes
miss_owl By miss_owl Updated Sep 16, 2012 01:14AM

Velia Asher was born in America  in the year of 2201. She grew up to be your average teenager, with a best friend, a crush, and parents who loved her. And just like most of the world, she hated the government. But when Velia and her friend, Linc, join a protest for more rights, Velia gets taken, never to be seen again. Years later, Nala Nyx shows up. She has no memory of her childhood, and no family. She works for the president killing everyone he thinks is in his way. Everything changes when she meets Linc. She starts getting horrible headaches, strange dreams and, for once in her life, questions who she is. What will happen when Nala starts to do a little research, all under the presidents-very-watchful eye?

yiddishpablo yiddishpablo Sep 16, 2012 03:06AM
I really like that the old man could taste the poison. I'm so used to the whole "tasteless poison thing." 
                                    
                                    Well written, the dialogue is strong. I think the description you use for the poison is good, but not overwhelming. Nice start!
MsTrouble MsTrouble Aug 26, 2012 06:02AM
The contrast between the POV's is very nicely done and I think you have an interesting plot. I think a little more description into the poison would help but so far so good :) voted!
QueenVictoriia QueenVictoriia Aug 26, 2012 04:20AM
Good prologue! I like it. Short and straight to the point :)
miss_owl miss_owl Aug 18, 2012 07:15PM
@gabbyalex Aha any suggestions for cast? I don't have any ideas yet :(
fr3e2dre4m fr3e2dre4m Aug 18, 2012 06:37PM
Wow, this is really great, but now I'm just a bit freaked...
gabbyalex gabbyalex Aug 18, 2012 03:53AM
Wow this was so good, man!  This story sounds so cut-throat, lol.  I love that the poison was something that no one Knw existed.  Great start.  You should build a cast. I'm already seeing a lot of great actors in my mind!  Keep it up.