Chasing the Grey
You might call me crazy. Touched. Not right in the head. Toys in the attic. Cuckoo. Looney tunes. Sick. In November 2012, I purposefully overdosed on a full bottle of Valium. Suffering from a mixture of undiagnosed postpartum depression, untreated bipolar II disorder, and severe PTSD, I made the impulsive decision to end my life. Luckily, I survived.
I've since entertained thoughts of finishing what I started, but have refrained from actualizing these destructive fantasies. Why? Because I finally love myself enough to recognize that suicide turns a temporary state of mind into a permanent blank slate. Because my loved ones would agonize over the pain of missing me. Because this may be my only chance at life, and I'm not dead yet. Neither are you.
My healing is fraught with pain--mental, emotional, physical; betrayal--both of self and by trusted loved ones; above all, hope--enduring belief in myself to soldier through the psychological battles that test my mettle. Determined to keep growing, I persevere. Will you join me?
TRIGGER WARNING: attempted suicide, physical, emotional, and psychological abuse, mentions of childhood sexual trauma, rape, sexual situations, and strong language. Reader discretion is advised.