NEW: Introducing Tap. Addictive chat stories for your 📲 Now in 10 languages
DOWNLOAD NOW!
When no one is Looking

When no one is Looking

491 Reads 8 Votes 3 Part Story
Sayona MB By PastelPaintWriter Updated Mar 29, 2011

The Harrisons mysteriously get a package one day saying that their adoption for a little girl named Elizabeth was accepted. The weird thing is... is that no one in the family remembers adopting a child! They decide her keep her anyway... but then things start to get a little strange... Elizabeth wont talk to anyone and things are starting to go missing. The situation keeps getting more and more dangerous... is Elizabeth really who they think she is?

PastelPaintWriter PastelPaintWriter Mar 20, 2011
Okay, I revised it big time xD They r going to the pool now... the other thing was just retarded. lol. So... you should re-read it! It's quite a bit different now!
PastelPaintWriter PastelPaintWriter Mar 20, 2011
About the 1st person thingy... I did that on purpose. About the tenses... I'll check that! And what's wrong with the Dialouge? D: 
                              
                              And kind of.... lol
hannahbrielle hannahbrielle Mar 20, 2011
Oh, and did u make the cover?? Cuz it's cool. I am remodeling my cover,
hannahbrielle hannahbrielle Mar 20, 2011
This is cool. But the begining is in first person and the end in in third, ur tenses (past present future) seem to be a tiny bit mixed up. Ur dialoge is hard to read lol. I love it tho xD