His Dark Side

His Dark Side

23.5K Reads 1.2K Votes 34 Part Story
Rahnia By RahniaForever Updated Aug 08

Evelyn Carter is a lonely and self centered girl but the loneliness doesn't bother her, the helpless girl in her nightmares does. When she befriends a mysterious stranger, her life changes forever. But despite the stranger's charm, there's something else about him that she just can't figure out. 

On the other hand, Eric Clarke has lots of secrets he keeps to himself. He stays quiet and hidden. No one really knows who he is, all they know is his name. But Evelyn Carter is determined to find the hidden secrets of his mysterious past. She's starting to suspect he might not even be human.
 
But Eric Clarke is determined not to reveal his dark side .

tamaya7070 tamaya7070 Aug 09
Hi critique Taya here! 
                              1) When you are asking the questions and put them on different lines it makes it look like a list. I would suggest putting it in the same paragraph. 
                              Since this is the prologue I will not count it as one of your 10 chapters.
lilmissfaboo lilmissfaboo 7 days ago
I like that we already know her appearence so early in the story, but I feel like it could be elaborated. What makes her different or special? I have tanned skin but I'm sure it's not the same as hers, for example.
JMRiddles JMRiddles Aug 14
I like the ending of this prologue and that it ties in with the dream. Other than a few sentence structure issues you seem to be off to a good start. The MC seems a little devoid of character at this point but I will patiently wait to see what type of character she will really be.
lilmissfaboo lilmissfaboo 7 days ago
Okay, I love that line so much. I'm already getting excited about this book! I really like little lines that suggest something significant without giving too much away. Overall, a nice prologue. A few tweaks and it could be perfect!
fight-milk fight-milk Aug 07
I'm a little confused here. You refer to the girl in a way that implies you've mentioned her before, but she was only introduced in this paragraph! O:
You've got a great sense of descriptive language to ensure that the readers are mesmerized by the characterization. The dream is a common way for starting book, but your managed to stand out. It makes me want to read more. Great start!