Mille Banks finds out what her father's true identity and how it will come to destroy everything around her.
hi. you should make the dialogues clearer because I have no idea who is speaking to who. and is it flashbacks? or is it series of events? you should put an explanation in your next chapter.
love it!!! but i should say that the dialogue part is kinda confusing without quotation marks. But all in all, it's a great story. Can't wait for the next part! :D
- kav -
Ok but the timeline at the beginning is a bit inconsistent. Very good start though.
Good start, the story sounds interesting enough. I would advise you not to use bold dialouge or words; it looks unprofessional... There were a few mistakes and you could make who is saying what more clear, but all in all, it was a great start.
@luluage Shaun would be on the next part. Part 2. So right now, it's all MILLE. The bold text is Mille's dialogue. Haha.
@Anni_innA Thanks for the suggestions. I'll do that on the next part. The first part is just series of events. It's kinda confusing but the whole story would later be revealed on the next parts :)