Lie (Part 1/4)

Lie (Part 1/4)

504 Reads 13 Votes 2 Part Story
bergyvergy By bergyvergy Updated Mar 22, 2011

Mille Banks finds out what her father's true identity and how it will come to destroy everything around her.

trnafern trnafern Mar 21, 2011
hi. you should make the dialogues clearer because I have no idea who is speaking to who. and is it flashbacks? or is it series of events? you should put an explanation in your next chapter. 
                              
                              -trina.
- - Mar 15, 2011
love it!!! but i should say that the dialogue part is kinda confusing without quotation marks. But all in all, it's a great story. Can't wait for the next part! :D
                              - kav -
DominicSabalburo DominicSabalburo Mar 15, 2011
Ok but the timeline at the beginning is a bit inconsistent. Very good start though.
dontemm dontemm Mar 14, 2011
Good start, the story sounds interesting enough. I would advise you not to use bold dialouge or words; it looks unprofessional... There were a few mistakes and you could make who is saying what more clear, but all in all, it was a great start.
bergyvergy bergyvergy Mar 12, 2011
@luluage Shaun would be on the next part. Part 2. So right now, it's all MILLE. The bold text is Mille's dialogue. Haha.
bergyvergy bergyvergy Mar 12, 2011
@Anni_innA Thanks for the suggestions. I'll do that on the next part. The first part is just series of events. It's kinda confusing but the whole story would later be revealed on the next parts :)