Black Annis

10 Part Story 2.9K Reads 67 Votes
Bethan By aschenputtel Updated 2 years ago
Carmen is a professional pickpocket, ambitious and verging on revolutionary. So far her dreams of espionage and insurgence reside mainly in her imagination, but when her friend is released from his imprisonment filled with ideas about a secret circle of rebels and a search for the brother he thought was dead, they are drawn into Lumereia, the superpower in control of their own country, and into the affairs of the war Lumereia has waged for twenty-seven years.
    
    Post-steampunk and pre-dieselpunk, BLACK ANNIS is a historical novel set in a fictional continent; think of a fascist wartime Jazz Age, and that will be somewhere about right.
This is really interesting. 
                                    I loved how you said Dion loved Carmen, and the next sentence started with him saying he hated her. 
                                    I think my only suggestion would try add a few more of those little details. Like mention facial expressions, and body movements. Try to give us a better sense of setting too. Just help us visualize your story better. 
                                    Also, I am a bit confused to some of their references. But I'm sure you'll give us more information on this new continent later.
                                    Lastly, I was confused by the last paragraph, where Dion explains she motive for mistakenly mentioning Kesters existence. It was a bit confusing and the sentences were long.
                                    
                                    Overall, I liked this. I'm going to read the next chapter.
This is really interesting. 
                                    I loved how you said Dion loved Carmen, and the next sentence started with him saying he hated her. 
                                    I think my only suggestion would try add a few more of those little details. Like mention facial expressions, and body movements. Try to give us a better sense of setting too. Just help us visualize your story better. 
                                    Also, I am a bit confused to some of their references. But I'm sure you'll give us more information on this new continent later.
                                    Lastly, I was confused by the last paragraph, where Dion explains she motive for mistakenly mentioning Kesters existence. It was a bit confusing and the sentences were long.
                                    
                                    Overall, I liked this. I'm going to read the next chapter.
This is really interesting. 
                                    I loved how you said Dion loved Carmen, and the next sentence started with him saying he hated her. 
                                    I think my only suggestion would try add a few more of those little details. Like mention facial expressions, and body movements. Try to give us a better sense of setting too. Just help us visualize your story better. 
                                    Also, I am a bit confused to some of their references. But I'm sure you'll give us more information on this new continent later.
                                    Lastly, I was confused by the last paragraph, where Dion explains she motive for mistakenly mentioning Kesters existence. It was a bit confusing and the sentences were long.
                                    
                                    Overall, I liked this. I'm going to read the next chapter.
This is really interesting. 
                                    I loved how you said Dion loved Carmen, and the next sentence started with him saying he hated her. 
                                    I think my only suggestion would try add a few more of those little details. Like mention facial expressions, and body movements. Try to give us a better sense of setting too. Just help us visualize your story better. 
                                    Also, I am a bit confused to some of their references. But I'm sure you'll give us more information on this new continent later.
                                    Lastly, I was confused by the last paragraph, where Dion explains she motive for mistakenly mentioning Kesters existence. It was a bit confusing and the sentences were long.
                                    
                                    Overall, I liked this. I'm going to read the next chapter.