Karly is your average teenage girl, until she meets a mysterious man named Luke. Karly cant understand why she has grown so fond of this stranger in her life, until she realizes how dangerous he really is.
Once again, I'm with trishthewriter. The dialouge confusion was cleared up a little, but like heyhannah97 said, seperate paragraphs for dialouge makes it go smoother :) Can't wait for the next upload!
I agree with all of trishthewriter's points. Also it would be beneficial to your story if you mady your dialouge more clear. It all runs together... Still staying with you though :)
This is better bc you separated some parts into different paragraphs, but you need to do it more when different people talk. That way it flows and its much easier to read. Other than that, this story is super interesting!
This is interesting so far! The only complaint that I have is that it's one big paragraph and there are a lot of grammar mistakes. I saw you fixed it in the next chapter though, so that's good! *Voted*!
Your issues with dialogue mash up persisted here, and I also saw some more mechanics errors. The first letter of all sentences should be capitalized. I think this could be a great story, but there is room to improve.
I am loving this!!!!
I love the written style and feel that this story has amazing potential - can't wait to keep reading :)