•  
    • Browse
    • Paid Stories
    • Editor's Picks
    • The Wattys
    • Adventure
    • Contemporary Lit
    • Diverse Lit
    • Fanfiction
    • Fantasy
    • Historical Fiction
    • Horror
    • Humor
    • LGBTQ+
    • Mystery
    • New Adult
    • Non-Fiction
    • Paranormal
    • Poetry
    • Romance
    • Science Fiction
    • Short Story
    • Teen Fiction
    • Thriller
    • Werewolf
    • Wattpad Picks
    • Editors' Choice
    • From our Stars
    • Wattpad Studios Hits
    • Where LGBTQIA+ stories live 🌈
    • Oh hi, sweet teen stories
    • Your daily thriller dose
    • The Watty Awards
    • Community Happenings
    • Wattpad Ambassadors
      • Create a new storyCreate a new story
      • My Stories
      • Helpful writer resources
      • Wattpad programs & opportunities
      • Writing contests
    Try Premium
    Log in Sign Up
    Running With Scissors
    Running With Scissors
    Sam_le_fou
    • Reads
      Reads 270,781
      270,781270K
    • Votes
      Votes 15,928
      15,92815.9K
    • Parts
      Parts 42
      4242
    • Time
      Time 9h 16m
      9 hours, 16 minutes9h 16m
    Start reading
    • Reads
      Reads 270,781
      270,781270K
    • Votes
      Votes 15,928
      15,92815.9K
    • Parts
      Parts 42
      4242
    • Time
      Time 9h 16m
      9 hours, 16 minutes9h 16m
    Sam_le_fou
    Complete
    Complete, First published Sep 07, 2018
    Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Peter Katz hires a hitman to take him out. But when a cure is discovered, Peter's got to outrun the assassin to stay alive!
        
        *****
        
        When douchebag lawyer Peter Katz gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wants to die painlessly. Still, death seems to elude his every attempt, so he hires an assassin to kill him at a random time and place within the month. Unfortunately for Peter, right after he orders the hit, a treatment is discovered that would add decades to his life. Now Peter Katz has to start running, until the month-long deadline ends. Desperate to survive, he has to deal with tall-dwarves, unionized suicide workers, art terrorism and all the insanity that being alive has to offer. Will he make it to the end of the month? Or will Peter Katz live a life's worth of craziness in however many days he has left?
        
        For what is Comedy, but Tragedy + Time?
        
        [[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]
    All Rights Reserved
    • absurdist
    • action
    • adult
    • adventure
    • cancer
    • comedy
    • contemporary
    • dark
    • darkhumor
    • friendship
    • hitman
    • humor
    • legal
    • suspense
    • thriller
    absurdistactionadultadventurecancercomedycontemporarydarkdarkhumorfriendshiphitmanhumorlegalsuspensethriller
    Table of contentsLast updated Dec 05, 2020
    • The Beginning, Where Nothing Much Happens Until It Suddenly Does
    • Still The Beginning, But A Bit Later
    • The Astoundingly Foolish Life Of James Truman-Conelly. Brought to You by Wendy's
    • Sarah McGuffin, Administrative Assistant
    • Deux Ex Fried Chicken
    • Save the Whales, or Something
    • Memento Mori
    • Life Is Like A Box Of Nuggets
    • A.S.W
    • Seriously, Clamato is Gross
    • The Seven Deaths of Peter Katz
    • Gargantuan Jellybeans
    • That's About the Last Mayor Character of the Story
    • The Six Stages of Grief
    • When Dancing, Always Leave Some Room For Kierkegaard
    • Animal Idioms and Other Non-Sequitur
    • Chekhov's Scorpion
    • Mindful Eggducation
    • The Pen is Pointier Than The Sword
    • #PleaseDontBeLikePeter
    • A Mime, A Hipster, And A Frenchman Walk Into A Bar
    • Ce N'est Pas Un Titre
    • The Middle of The Story, Give or Take a Few Chapters
    • Deux Ex Fried Redux
    • The Chapter Where Peter Finally Dies, And Stays Dead
    • Don't Blame Karma For Your Own Stupidity
    • Between A Rock And A Dumb Place: A CYOA Chapter
    • Cheerful Pessimism
    • Hawaiian Pizza Makes Logical Sense, But Tastes Like Sadness
    • Puppies Are The Root Of Anxiety
    • WWCD?
    • Vignettes From The Good, The Bad, And The Dumbass
    • *Insert Corny Title Here*
    • Tituba The Butcher's Bizarre Travesy
    • Chicanery In The Coal Mine
    • No Pugs Were Harmed In The Making Of This Chapter
    • We Will Always Have Vegas
    • Katzkaesque
    • The End, Where Everything Is Wrapped Up With A Neat Little Bow
    • Playing With Matches: Now In Technicolor!
    • Buyer Beware: Paid Story Notice
    • ✂️A VERY "RUNNING WITH SCISSORS" XMASS✂️

    Get notified when Running With Scissors is updated

    OR

    If you already have an account,

    By continuing, you agree to Wattpad's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.
    #41comedy
    • The Beginning, Where Nothing Much Happens Until It Suddenly Does
    • Still The Beginning, But A Bit Later
    • The Astoundingly Foolish Life Of James Truman-Conelly. Brought to You by Wendy's
    • Sarah McGuffin, Administrative Assistant
    • Deux Ex Fried Chicken
    • Save the Whales, or Something
    • Memento Mori
    • Life Is Like A Box Of Nuggets
    • A.S.W
    • Seriously, Clamato is Gross
    • The Seven Deaths of Peter Katz
    • Gargantuan Jellybeans
    • That's About the Last Mayor Character of the Story
    • The Six Stages of Grief
    • When Dancing, Always Leave Some Room For Kierkegaard
    • Animal Idioms and Other Non-Sequitur
    • Chekhov's Scorpion
    • Mindful Eggducation
    • The Pen is Pointier Than The Sword
    • #PleaseDontBeLikePeter
    • A Mime, A Hipster, And A Frenchman Walk Into A Bar
    • Ce N'est Pas Un Titre
    • The Middle of The Story, Give or Take a Few Chapters
    • Deux Ex Fried Redux
    • The Chapter Where Peter Finally Dies, And Stays Dead
    • Don't Blame Karma For Your Own Stupidity
    • Between A Rock And A Dumb Place: A CYOA Chapter
    • Cheerful Pessimism
    • Hawaiian Pizza Makes Logical Sense, But Tastes Like Sadness
    • Puppies Are The Root Of Anxiety
    • WWCD?
    • Vignettes From The Good, The Bad, And The Dumbass
    • *Insert Corny Title Here*
    • Tituba The Butcher's Bizarre Travesy
    • Chicanery In The Coal Mine
    • No Pugs Were Harmed In The Making Of This Chapter
    • We Will Always Have Vegas
    • Katzkaesque
    • The End, Where Everything Is Wrapped Up With A Neat Little Bow
    • Playing With Matches: Now In Technicolor!
    • Buyer Beware: Paid Story Notice
    • ✂️A VERY "RUNNING WITH SCISSORS" XMASS✂️
    Report this story
    You may also like
    [sic] by ScottKelly
    [sic]
    35 parts Complete
    35 parts
    Complete
    Six teens are devoted to a game with one rule: If a player gets tagged, they must change their life...
    How to Save Your School From Soul Stealing Demons by CAITLlN
    How to Save Your School From Soul Stealing D...
    45 parts Complete
    45 parts
    Complete
    WATTYS 2021 HORROR WINNER! Diego's life has spiraled since the gruesome death of his brother Migue...
    The Fugitive Grandma by DmitriRagano
    The Fugitive Grandma
    64 parts Complete
    64 parts
    Complete
    Johnny Valentine is a lonely boy who dreams of becoming a hero, just like the masked avengers in hi...
    Hamburger Hamlet by mestrin
    Hamburger Hamlet
    47 parts Complete
    47 parts
    Complete
    🍔🍔🍔THIS STORY IS COMPLETE 🍔🍔🍔 Noah Abelman should've read Hamlet. Because if he had done the...
    Red Skies | The Primes Trilogy #1 ✓ by ldjwrites
    Red Skies | The Primes Trilogy #1 ✓
    43 parts Complete
    43 parts
    Complete
    When 6 students are gifted superhuman abilities, it's up to them to prevent a bio-terrorist group f...
    Bring me the head of Turlington Jones by gparsons
    Bring me the head of Turlington Jones
    45 parts Complete
    45 parts
    Complete
    [Completed] Only human arrogance makes us believe we are the only intelligent beings on earth.
    A Timely Knight by DaveNite27
    A Timely Knight
    41 parts Complete
    41 parts
    Complete
    2020 Watty Award Winner: Science Fiction In the city of Slatehallow, Eldon begins having strange dr...
    The House Above the Sea by _jnicole_
    The House Above the Sea
    42 parts Complete
    42 parts
    Complete
    When sixteen-year-old New York City native Neo O'Reilly is dropped off with his extended family in...
    Mask of Celibacy: A Multimedia Novella by Carolyn_Hill
    Mask of Celibacy: A Multimedia Novella
    40 parts Complete
    40 parts
    Complete
    High school senior Jess Smith meets Ace of Spades, an online friend who helps her question her mask...
    Playing With Matches by Sam_le_fou
    Playing With Matches
    38 parts Complete
    38 parts
    Complete
    Chuck Colt, a cowardly and highly neurotic ghost, must find a way to reunite his soul to his newly...
    You may also like
    • [sic] cover
      abuse
    • How to Save Your School From Soul Stealing Demons cover
      comingofage
    • The Fugitive Grandma cover
      comedy
    • Hamburger Hamlet cover
      awkward
    • Red Skies | The Primes Trilogy #1 ✓ cover
      action
    • Bring me the head of Turlington Jones cover
      action
    • A Timely Knight cover
      action
    • The House Above the Sea cover
      curse
    • Mask of Celibacy: A Multimedia Novella cover
      asexual
    • Playing With Matches cover
      absurd

    [sic]

    35 parts Complete
    35 parts
    Complete

    Six teens are devoted to a game with one rule: If a player gets tagged, they must change their life within the next fifteen minutes. The better the player, the bigger the change. One might give their...

    Start reading
    • Paid Stories
    • Try Premium
    • Get the App
    • Language
    • Writers
    • |
    • Business
    • Jobs
    • Press
    • Terms
    • Privacy
    • Accessibility
    • Help
    • © 2022 Wattpad