@Intrepid_Imaginer whhy thank you i choose to take that as a compliment :D
Interesting concept! I've never seen anything like this. @tyguy777
this is just as amazing as your other poem. The voice is very clear on what you were trying to show and it brings out the suffering and ever growing weakness of its main character.
you also space out and lay out your lines and stanzas purposefully, and I love that!
This poem was emotional and you could feel the girls despair. I also asked my friend what she thought and she thought it was very touching and the rhyming was really good!
@write4ever cool, ill look into it....whats ur book called?
This is very nice and emotional only thing I can say to improve this is watch yours i's you tend to not do them as capitals when you are supposed too.
Other than that well done