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Pen Your Pride
My Shining Soldier (ON HOLD)

My Shining Soldier (ON HOLD)

457 Reads 3 Votes 3 Part Story
Josie By Josie_Jump Updated Jul 26, 2011

Michael and Holly were teenage sweethearts. From the moment they met in middle school, they knew that they'd last. After just finishing high school, Michael makes a decision to fulfill his dream and sets everything in motion. 
There are ups and down between the couple as they struggle to cope with the consequences of Michael's choice.

  • adult
  • boy
  • change
  • death
  • family
  • friends
  • girl
  • high
  • life
  • love
  • school
  • shock
  • teen
Sinaidkincaid16 Sinaidkincaid16 Jun 30, 2011
I take it this is about your own gran? XD
                              My first impression of Holly was that she was an unassuming lass, but as the story flows ...I see she's quite spunky ...
Josie_Jump Josie_Jump May 28, 2011
@Lynnace27 Haha. Thanks.
                              I did help. A lot. I really appreciate it.
                              Thanks, Josie, x.
Lynnace27 Lynnace27 May 28, 2011
Never be afraid of failing in writing, as writers we learned from failures. Don't the let fear hold you back, just write.
                              I will look at this chapter so more to give some pointers.
Lynnace27 Lynnace27 May 27, 2011
sorry I hit a wrong button.
                              I was running is a passive voice.
                              I ran is active voice.
                              I hope this helps and don't stop writing.
Lynnace27 Lynnace27 May 27, 2011
You have something here. it needs a lot of work because it sounds like a first rough draft.
                              1. Overuse on the word I
                              2. Too many speech tags. (I said, Micheal said.)
                              3. Too much of a passive voice. In fiction writing requires active voice. 
                              exmaples: I was running is passive
dontemm dontemm Mar 02, 2011
There were a few errors, but not big enough to take away from story. There were a few parts where I couldn't see who was speaking, but other than that I loved it! Keep it up :) Waiting on the next 1... ;)