Burn Away

Burn Away

490 Reads 6 Votes 4 Part Story
Desiree Evans By DesireeEvans Updated May 04, 2011

The self proclaimed "Gang" of Lafeyette square live in their own little world, especially the main character, the youngest and most naive of the wicked little bunch. 
They wear black, hand me downs. Ripped jeans and holey tshirts, a cloud of smoke and an evil grimace is their style, and its all fun and games, until it all starts getting too serious. Their home lives are a wreck, each one of them living in their own personal corner of hell. Their friendships teeter on the edge of hate and jealousy, contempt and misery..with only fleeting moments of drug induced pleasure. They are deprived of their needs..neglected and even abused.
Brian establishes himself as the "leader", if not by the others as well..maybe without them even knowing. He is a egotistical maniac, with more problems than an algebra lesson. He curses, spits, screams, and fights. His absolute idol is the infamous Adolf Hitler, and he imitates his followers with a shaved head and judgemental stance. Everyone is beneath him, especially his "brother" Jeff. 

Love, for these kids, is not a want, it is a need..and they will do anything they can to achieve it...even if it means losing everything, and gaining nothing...even if it isn't real.

- - Mar 25, 2011
Hi, you are really good in describing scenes! 
                              
                              I suggest maybe adding dezzy pov or smth before her part so that it's easier to follow? 
                              
                              Thanks!
DesireeEvans DesireeEvans Mar 17, 2011
@WolfDancer thank you very much, im so glad you have enjoyed reading what I have written and I appreciate the feedback. I will return the favor asap. Do you have a book of your own that you would like me to read?
DesireeEvans DesireeEvans Mar 11, 2011
@JaniClayson thanks for reading and commenting I am working on the dialogue, that has proved to be the hardest part of book writing for me, since I have not practiced it much. I think this still needs alot of wod
JaniClayson JaniClayson Mar 11, 2011
Honest feedback? I love your opening few paragraphs. I could see, smell, almost taste his trashed room. I had a hard time following some of the dialogue after that, but I liked how you paced it. Excellent start.