Batu - A Tale of Ellusia - Book One

Batu - A Tale of Ellusia - Book One

1K Reads 217 Votes 9 Part Story
Jay Stonesmith By JayStonesmith Updated Sep 25

Battling crippling OCD, unjustly exiled from his village and separated from his sister, Batu seeks his fortune in the fantasy world of Ellusia. Will he fulfill the promise he made to his family and secure their freedom from cruel Thane Gantula? Or will he be defeated by his condition and overcome by the challenges that stand in his way?

  • action
  • adventure
  • apriljanesbookawards
  • batu
  • comingofage
  • ellusia
  • exile
  • fantasy
  • fantasyadventure
  • obsessivecompulsivedisorder
  • ocd
  • outcast
  • quest
  • warrior
  • ya
  • yafantasy
 #Rebelbc
                              'At his back' seems weird here. How about just 'with an army' or 'with an army backing him up'??
ayo723 ayo723 Oct 21
 #RebelBC
                              
                              How old are they? If they're in their late teens or so, these insults feel a bit immature, though Batu's handling of the situation is pretty mature
mahitha- mahitha- Oct 21
 #rebelbc
                              
                              I’m also curious to know how old all these characters are
mahitha- mahitha- Oct 21
 #rebelbc
                              
                              I agree with @queen_of_sass here that ‘burdened’ would fit better here
ayo723 ayo723 Oct 21
 #RebelBC
                              
                              Since he was just defeated, and I'm assuming is relatively humiliated at being beat by the person he was bullying, a smirk seems out of place here
mahitha- mahitha- Oct 21
 #rebelbc
                              
                              I also don’t think smirk is the right expression here, and I think you should try and show how his ego has been bruised as well