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His Obsession

His Obsession

47.5K Reads 1.4K Votes 23 Part Story
Dawntae Barry By Scorpioweeknd Completed

I'm the type of girl that every other teenage girl on the planet strives to be. Pretty, popular and rich. And I can't forget to mention how I was wanted by all the boys and men in my small hometown in Iowa. This way the way to live. It all changed after my birthday. 

I started realizing at the last possible minute that it wasn't for the best. Because if everybody wants you, someone's gonna get you.

lilredwriterhood lilredwriterhood Mar 31, 2015
There's totally something happening with these two! I know it! I hope she's not moving in on her friends man though...
DravenGhostliest DravenGhostliest Jun 03, 2014
@Dawntae_Barry I wish to read the rest so can hurry uuuppp!!!
Aortum Aortum May 21, 2014
I think you are misusing the POV technique. you are iver lapping them time frame, and it will get readers confused. instead of rewriting a previous scene from another character's view, make it chronological to where shes in class thinkinh to herself about what just happened so that it's in order.
Aortum Aortum May 21, 2014
like what you meant by you had your eye on declan and the plot needs strengthening..  ex:  give more problem to the main characters life... like add more to her just having to prep for being a senior, give a reason why she is so distracted and what she thinks her goal is
Scorpioweeknd Scorpioweeknd May 21, 2014
@Thephthidae Detail???  Like??  Thank You For Your Critique★
Scorpioweeknd Scorpioweeknd May 21, 2014
@Royal_Brezzy Thank You... The Idea Just Came To Me & & I Thought I Should Go For It ★