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Agent Black Cobra

Agent Black Cobra

43.4K Reads 1.6K Votes 23 Part Story
Kmpeeples By kmpeeples Completed

(I'm editing and revising this right now so please work with me. thanks ~kay)
chapters 1-3 are edited.

Be cautious. Don't repeat anything you hear. I'm cobra, that's not my real name but that's none of your business. I am sitting here watching my parents be brutally murdered right in front of me. I'm currently 7 years old. "Don't hurt my mommy and daddy." I didn't know what I was saying at the time, but I remember every face, sound and voice of the people in the room. That's going to end up being the downfall of them once I get my hands on them. I was scared but I was madder than anything. I ran at the man holding daddy and kicked him in the shin. He loosened his grip but not enough for daddy to get out. He backhanded me across the face almost knocking me out. I stayed conscious long enough to hear their cruel, sickening laughter as they shot mommy and daddy, and left me for dead. I woke up 2 hours later to the smell of death, and the sight of my dead parents. I can feel my heart hardening, and my body numbing. I walk upstairs, and I grab 3 very valuable things of both mommy and daddy's. I grab extra sets of clothes, food, water, and my doll. I also grab my puppy Muffin, and we head into the woods seeking a new shelter. About 4 hours into the trip I find an abandoned cabin in the woods. We make that our new home. After months of gruesome training, and hunting I'm a feared assassin. I'm cold as ice, and dark as night, but I'm as sneaky as the deadliest predator. I AM THE BLACK COBRA.

In the last sentence is the first more intended? I'm not an expert but there aren't 5 more men down but 5 men down. Already reading the second time 😀
minzu16 minzu16 Mar 21, 2016
The storyline is great! The first couple of sentences just draw you in and makes you want to read it. Maybe just work on your grammar, punctuation and tense and then I believe everyone would surely love this! >w<
kmpeeples kmpeeples Mar 02, 2015
@Silent_Scribe thank you for your feedback. I'm still working on my grammar and I'll make sure that when I go back over the book I'll fix the inconsistency issue and hope to get more readers. thank you so much for the advise.
Silent_Scribe Silent_Scribe Feb 25, 2015
The plot of the story is good, but until you use proper grammar,  and keep the past or present tense consistent, I don't think many of your readers will stick around.
kmpeeples kmpeeples Sep 18, 2014
@BlackButterfly_13 thank you I like seeing feedback so this just made my day