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King Me

King Me

46.9K Reads 1.8K Votes 29 Part Story
MereWriter By MereWriter Completed

Charred; there are few better words to describe Adrienne King. She certainly didn't escape her childhood unscathed but if you scrape off enough of the blackened bits there's something worth saving. Adrienne has spent the past eight years attempting to move beyond the torment she survived, but it turns out you can't hide from who you are-or who you've been.

History comes knocking in the form of one nosy investigator determined to find the answers to a murder that took place eight years ago, an investigator who has his crosshairs on Adrienne's brother. In order to protect her brother, she'll have to find him. In order to do that she'll need to dive into their mutual past. It won't be easy digging up all that she's buried but if there's one thing she can never forget, it's that she owes him that much.

- - Jul 06
Incorrect use of a semicolon - used to separate two independent clauses.  Your second clause is dependent.  A comma works, or you could modify the second half to be independent, in which case, a semicolon or a period would work.  For example:  ...slender; she faced away from the camera......
- - Jul 06
Delete.   Put the chair in the first sentence:  ...I found him in the kitchen standing on a chair rooting through...
- - Jul 06
....perfect, bow-shaped lips [sounds better - in either case, put that hyphen where it belongs]
soulmist73 soulmist73 Sep 15, 2016
This is very well written.  At first I was confused about the change in POV so quickly, but reading further demonstrated that the first person account was her, I guess you could call it, testimony.  Although it was abrupt, it was well done and unique!
AnaEasterly AnaEasterly Sep 15, 2016
I am going to agree with the others - you're a great writer! Keep it up!
SmartRose14 SmartRose14 Jul 15, 2016
I found this sentence right here kind of confusing the first time I read it - it didn't flow right. I believe a comma would help:
                              "Either he got worse as I aged or otherwise, I came to see what my father was."