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Resisting Enticement

Resisting Enticement

817 Reads 10 Votes 8 Part Story
Sabsz By teddy2k11 Updated Feb 16, 2012

When life comes to a turn and everything keeps going wrong Mia an ordinary 16 year old girl living in the south of London is faced with emotional events one after the other leading to her making some important decisions that will affect her life later. Will temptation get in the way of her religion? Or will she overcome her fears, forget love and go on what her parents believe to be the 'Right path'...

Kirbyx Kirbyx Feb 24, 2011
@teddy2k11 Like a missing comma or hyphen not supposed to be there. It still is great enough to rule out the odds.
Kirbyx Kirbyx Feb 24, 2011
For the sigh, you should say something like:
                              I sighed while wiping my trousers...
                              Sighing, I wiped my trousers
                              And this was great! I felt myself being even more drawn into it. She might get pneumonia! D:
Kirbyx Kirbyx Feb 24, 2011
Wow, great description on the setting and her situation. I felt myself picture the scene, feel the patter of rain and the mood not quite reaching me from the people overwhelmed. It had great grammar, maybe a few stray errors. Interesting. Off to chapter 2 =)