Zaldizko

Zaldizko

2.5K Reads 133 Votes 59 Part Story
Veronica Purcell By VeronicaPurcell4 Updated 5 hours ago

"I'll find a way to save my brother. Do whatever the hell you want. I'm stealing your guns."

Famine is a man determined to save his three brothers after they are tragically separated. His monastery home destroyed. Kidnapped to a foreign city called Apocalypse. 

He will gun down malignant redback spiders, withstand a mind-sucking demon, survive a maximum security prison facility and fight a diabolical plot that is hell-bent on bringing radical change to his world called Sol.  Do anything to reunite his family.

Lurking in the shadows is a fatalistic ego called the Black Rider.
--|--
It begins.

  • 1920s
  • action
  • adventure
  • basque
  • brothers
  • buddha
  • demons
  • famine
  • featured
  • fourhorsemen
  • gayfantasy
  • gunslinger
  • japanese
  • lowfantasy
  • magicalrealism
  • minotaur
  • originalfiction
  • originalseries
  • originalstory
  • shonen
  • shounenai
  • signlanguage
  • spiders
  • swordsmanship
  • yafantasy
Thank you! Kind of speechless at the moment. Not used to seeing comments. I'll fix this.
Nice job! It definitely is intriguing and makes me wonder what is happening! Great prologue.
I feel like you should adjust "all his sacred words were spent so his voice was mute" as it just doesn't read right in the middle of this sentence. Read the sentence aloud to help you see how we would hear it as a reader!
Here, instead of saying "his last flame of faith and hope" I would say "his last flicker of faith" to continue on from the above paragraph where you said the "light of his faith had dwindled to a mere flicker". Continuity for the win!
Countenance is not really the right word choice here.
                              
                              it's like saying: snuffing out the warmth of his facial expression. It's just not quite right for what you are saying
"The man though with his question focussed on the Black Rider" is another redundant thing, just him thinking it is fine since we will assume he is thinking "why" to the Black Rider - as he is the only other character there.