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Pen Your Pride


18.8K Reads 8.1K Votes 16 Part Story
ashley5967 By ashley5967 Updated 3 days ago

HIGHEST RANK#12 IN ADVENTURE ON 1/2/2018 Lona and her kind are humans but are gifted with super speed and strength that no regular human possesses.  She never in her wildest dreams thought that her father would want her dead. But he do. She possesses a power that none of her kind has ever witness, and King Tai will stop at nothing until he take what he feels the king should have, even if that means killing his only child.

  • action
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  • action-adventure
  • adventure
  • courage
  • death
  • fantasy
  • fantasyadventure
  • fiction
  • hero
  • heroine
  • princess
  • teenfiction
  • warriors
Wouldn't the father or mother at least question her newly acquired gift?
Witto150 Witto150 Jun 10
I'm finding it a bit strange she has no idea what her home was made of.  Maybe try to reword it to be a bit more specific, such detail can give the story more realistic feel :-)
Why would people want to work for her father then? Is he a high ranking noble? Warrior?
Witto150 Witto150 Jun 10
This paragraph feels a bit redundant. Also as a few people mentioned, you can specify what method she used to make that hole, and how big it was.
We have death, poison, powers, so far so good. The written is good not super complex easy to understand and grabs you in.
Witto150 Witto150 Jun 10
Here, I'm not sure when this is happening. Was it once she drilled that hole or that time she saw them coming here with a worry on their face? I feel, I know, but the transition is kind of too "abrupt".