The War of Transition

9 Part Story 1.3K Reads 101 Votes
Breton Janes By BretonJanes Updated 3 years ago
In a world on the verge of scientific discovery, the old ways of mysticism are no longer upheld in society. Sorcerers and magicians are persecuted in the greatest purge in history; a bloody civil war where the side with the greater numbers will emerge victorious. This is a time for alchemists and scientists, explorers and scholars. A time for rogues and assassins, political strife and corruption among kings and noblemen. A new age is over the horizon, but just who will survive this grand transition, this bloody divide, is uncertain. For when science and magic collide, no one is safe.
NICE WORK. Seriously, great first chapter! You set a great mood with things like "rain with no wind" and fog that seems different from the rest.
                                    
                                    Because I like it, I have to be nit-picky. You tend to put sentences backwards and separated by commas instead of saying it outright. For example: "Dryker swept across the room, his black cape trailing behind him." If you turn it around, it has a better flow and is ultimately more powerful: "Dryker's cape trailed behind him as he swept across the room.
                                    
                                    This wouldn't be so bad, but you use it in every sentence of the first paragraph : )
                                    
                                    But that's small! The rest is fantastic. Voted : )
NICE WORK. Seriously, great first chapter! You set a great mood with things like "rain with no wind" and fog that seems different from the rest.
                                    
                                    Because I like it, I have to be nit-picky. You tend to put sentences backwards and separated by commas instead of saying it outright. For example: "Dryker swept across the room, his black cape trailing behind him." If you turn it around, it has a better flow and is ultimately more powerful: "Dryker's cape trailed behind him as he swept across the room.
                                    
                                    This wouldn't be so bad, but you use it in every sentence of the first paragraph : )
                                    
                                    But that's small! The rest is fantastic. Voted : )
NICE WORK. Seriously, great first chapter! You set a great mood with things like "rain with no wind" and fog that seems different from the rest.
                                    
                                    Because I like it, I have to be nit-picky. You tend to put sentences backwards and separated by commas instead of saying it outright. For example: "Dryker swept across the room, his black cape trailing behind him." If you turn it around, it has a better flow and is ultimately more powerful: "Dryker's cape trailed behind him as he swept across the room.
                                    
                                    This wouldn't be so bad, but you use it in every sentence of the first paragraph : )
                                    
                                    But that's small! The rest is fantastic. Voted : )
NICE WORK. Seriously, great first chapter! You set a great mood with things like "rain with no wind" and fog that seems different from the rest.
                                    
                                    Because I like it, I have to be nit-picky. You tend to put sentences backwards and separated by commas instead of saying it outright. For example: "Dryker swept across the room, his black cape trailing behind him." If you turn it around, it has a better flow and is ultimately more powerful: "Dryker's cape trailed behind him as he swept across the room.
                                    
                                    This wouldn't be so bad, but you use it in every sentence of the first paragraph : )
                                    
                                    But that's small! The rest is fantastic. Voted : )
NICE WORK. Seriously, great first chapter! You set a great mood with things like "rain with no wind" and fog that seems different from the rest.
                                    
                                    Because I like it, I have to be nit-picky. You tend to put sentences backwards and separated by commas instead of saying it outright. For example: "Dryker swept across the room, his black cape trailing behind him." If you turn it around, it has a better flow and is ultimately more powerful: "Dryker's cape trailed behind him as he swept across the room.
                                    
                                    This wouldn't be so bad, but you use it in every sentence of the first paragraph : )
                                    
                                    But that's small! The rest is fantastic. Voted : )
NICE WORK. Seriously, great first chapter! You set a great mood with things like "rain with no wind" and fog that seems different from the rest.
                                    
                                    Because I like it, I have to be nit-picky. You tend to put sentences backwards and separated by commas instead of saying it outright. For example: "Dryker swept across the room, his black cape trailing behind him." If you turn it around, it has a better flow and is ultimately more powerful: "Dryker's cape trailed behind him as he swept across the room.
                                    
                                    This wouldn't be so bad, but you use it in every sentence of the first paragraph : )
                                    
                                    But that's small! The rest is fantastic. Voted : )