Don't Drink It

Don't Drink It

33 Reads 0 Votes 1 Part Story
Gigi Engle By GigiEngle Updated Apr 17, 2012

Lake Forest, 1998

Every so often Siobhan Calmine, matriarch of the Calmine clan, thought it was of the utmost necessity to bring her heathen children back to the ever-beckoning hand of the Catholic Church.

These sporadic and short-lived outbursts of religiosity were normally inspired by a chance viewing of "The Shoes of the Fisherman."

She would drag the whole family to mass, at invariably inconvenient hours, and force them to kneel on the hard mahogany pews, and pray for their pagan souls.

The general concept of individuals seeking salvation of their own free will never seemed to resonate with her, as force appeared to be her most compelling tool in reaching the wayward souls of her offspring.

One April evening, the air perfumed by the awakening buds of the peonies, as well as by the stench of ephemeral piety, Siobhan Calmine announced that her family would to church.

After much argument, biting, scratching, and the gnashing of teeth, combined with a peppering of taking the lord...