The Mystery Singer

The Mystery Singer

221K Reads 7.9K Votes 38 Part Story
M o n a By prettysmiles1999 Completed



Music blares through the gigantic speakers, as the DJ searches for a soundtrack. I'm standing in the center of the dance floor, my back to my friend; Jared stands in front of me like a know-it-all. 

He doesn't know what's coming.

And neither do I. 

Taking one last look around me, I close my eyes. And I start my song. 

"Sad face," I sing, the mike inches from my lips. My hands tremble with the mike, and I'm drenched in imaginary sweat, jumping in from my long run. My audience gasps.

  • love
  • scared
  • secret
  • self-conscious
  • teen
  • trust
Mufasa27 Mufasa27 Aug 10
Be more specific here maybe put ' Were gonna be late for Professor Kenneth's class'~ if they're in college, and if there in high school maybe say," Well be late for Mrs. Hannigans class' and maybe mention how much someone hates highschool, so the setting more clear for readers
Mufasa27 Mufasa27 Aug 10
Maybe here describe like I quickly showered and dressed before grabbing my lunch and wishing so and so a good day. Put more description
Mufasa27 Mufasa27 Aug 10
Maybe try introducing who Lucy is to the character. Like is she her sister, foster sister, friend, roommate.
Mufasa27 Mufasa27 Aug 10
Maybe put a line to divide the two paragraphs to pet readers know that the setting and topic has changed. Great book so far!!!
alone-in-my-thoughts alone-in-my-thoughts Mar 30, 2016
Um, how can she stop it. It's the brain which SUBCONSCIOUSLY does that. Key word, subconsciously. That means you have no control.
CanaryKawaki CanaryKawaki Jul 25, 2016
I would change this sentence and say that she's too lazy to walk on a daily basis or that she wakes up really late
                              , because the amount of money you have has nothing to do with how eco friendly you are.